When She Loved Me
by whispering-inthemoonlight
Summary: He had exactly four months and ten days to figure everything out. She was his best friend and he wasn't going to let her leave him so easily. Not after everything they've been through.
1. Chapter 1

He had always been there for her; held her when she cried, celebrated with her when she did something noteworthy, mourned with her when someone in his or her family passed away. Likewise, she was always there for him; supporting him, telling him that he could make it far as long as he tried to.

When he thinks about it, being without her would be a living hell. Giving up your best friend was impossible, yet people did it all the time after they graduated from high school. And the situation with her moving to New York was making things a hell of a lot harder on him.

He remembers when he first met her. She was wearing this little white dress, like one that he saw the girls at his church wear at Easter mass or First Communion, with a cherry red cardigan on top. God, she was adorable.

_An eleven year old Finn Hudson turned around to face his best friend Noah Puckerman as they raced each other down the street. He was frightened to see that Puck was catching up, and doing so quickly. Finn needed to throw him off; he needed a plan that would guarantee him a win in this race. They had a total of thirty seconds to go before the mini cooking timer beeped in his shorts pocket and their sprinting time was up._

_It was a game the two boys had always played. A more _cool _way of racing. Instead of having a set place or object you had to run to, they had a set time that you had to run. And whoever was ahead of the other won. They would run anywhere at any time; all they needed was one of those kitchen timers Finn's or Puck's mom left on the fridge to know when the food was done cooking and they could play. _

_Usually Puck was the champ since the kid had at least five inches on Finn, already getting ready to start growing due to puberty. Unfortunately Finn wasn't even close to hitting a growth spurt and it was embarrassing as he was the shortest kid in the entire sixth grade class. In fact, Finn had pretty much given up all hope on going through puberty in general. Maybe Puck wasn't a great person to compare to; he was quite unnatural. He already had bushes under his armpits and a crackling voice._

_But right now Finn was winning. Whether it had to do with the pack of _pixi-stix_ he downed before Puck came to pick him up or with his body adjusting to the usual running he always did, he wasn't sure. But he was excited and he was _not _going to let his friend beat him yet again at this stinkin' running game. _

_Finn's amber colored eyes glanced forward and he realized they were now on Main Street where the bakery and ice cream shop was. He was sure there were other things here as well, but… he never really noticed anything other than the delicious food stores. _

_There were a few people walking around and he was glad since he prepared to dodge the man who was coming straight to them, leaving Puck behind at least a foot. Finn picked up his pace and went into a dead sprint to the Lima Bean that supplied treats like donuts, coffee, and ice cream. It was parallel to his body, so at last minute he made a sharp turn to the door, thankful that it was left open to let the summer breeze roll in. He entered the shop just as the timer beeped before falling to his knees and fist pumping in the air. _

"_Nice job, Hudson," Puck grumbled a few seconds later having entered the Lima Bean. "You beat me _one _time out of the millions we've played this game. Order yourself an ice cream; I'll pay."_

_Finn shook his head, hearing the thick taunting tone Puck carried._

"_No way. I'm paying for my own ice cream," He stated, walking up to the counter. _

_A young barista wearing a coffee brown apron walks up behind the register with a cheery smile. She has blonde hair and her name, according the name tag on her chest, was Frannie. The icy blue eyes reminded Finn of… Quinn Fabray. Oh yeah, this was Quinn's older sister. _

"_Hiya Finn and… ugh, Puck."_

_Clearly she remembered the boys from parties that were at Quinn's house. _

"_Hey Frannie," Puck stresses her name annoyingly, making the teen roll her eyes. "Lookin' mighty fine today."_

"_Could I get you anything?" She moves on in a disgusted tone._

"_I want a small ice cream cone," Finn announces, reaching into his pocket for the change he had stuffed in there. _

"_Okay, seventy five cents, Finn," She holds her hand out. _

_He drops three quarters there and waits patiently for his ice cream. Puck ordered a sundae, so it takes longer to make. Wanting to go eat his ice cream before it melted, Finn went to a booth in the corner and started attacking the white custard with his tongue, loving the sweet taste. He was about to bite into his sugar cone when he saw her. _

_She walked in with both hands holding the strap of her tiny pink purse that matched her headband in her long, dark brown hair that went well past her shoulders. It was shiny and Finn bet his entire sugar cone that it smelt nice and was really soft to the touch. She had this big poufy dress on, like she was a princess or something. He confirmed that she must actually be a princess when he noticed the white gloves that she was wearing. _

_It was so unusual seeing someone dressed like this. She was completely formal, from her thick pink sparkly headband, to her red Marry Jane clad feet that matched the cardigan that was hanging on her small frame. _

"_Whoa, what're you looking at?" Puck interrupts Finn's observations. _

"_What?"_

"_You're checking that girl out!" He cries out in laughter._

"_No I wasn't!" Finn's face burned red. "I was just looking at her! Shut up."_

_He hissed the last part to Puck since the princess had received her treat, strawberry parfait, and went to sit down. She sat in a stool at a small round table by the window that looked out the street. It was maybe two feet in front of Finn from where he was sitting and he could see her face now._

_She was really pretty… Like _cute. _He always thought that Quinn, Brittany, and Santana were pretty, but never were they cute. This girl had a unique pretty face, though. Instead of a usual ski-sloped nose, there was this weird curve to it. It kind of reminded Finn of Puck's mom… They were Jellish. Or Hemew. Or maybe it was Jewish or Hebrew. He'd have to ask Puck some other time. _

_She had these full lips and a little chin, shapely eyebrows, and really big owl like eyes. They were almost as dark as her hair, but had hints of gold flecks that melted them, making her look even more adorable. _

_He felt his ice cream dripping on his hand, creating a sticky mess. Face palming, he ditched the cone and went to clean up. When he got out, Puck was sitting across from the girl. He clearly said something funny because she covered her face with her small hand and her cheeks pinked. _

_However, his assumption of something funny was way off base. When he approached the table, the girl was yelling at him._

"_And for you to think that was appropriate really deems to be a deplorable action, Mr. Noah Puckerman!" _

_Her voice was light and feminine, but determined and steady. He has no idea what 'deems' or 'deplorable' means, but by the angered expression on her face, he can tell it's bad._

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa baby. Calm down!"_

"_Do _not _call me baby," She huffs. _

"_Um… what's going on?" Finn questions awkwardly. The girl turns to him, her arms crossed over her flat chest. _

"_Are you friends with this Neanderthal?" _

"_Uh, yeah?" _

"_Then I dislike you too."_

_And with that she left the Lima Bean in a quick stride._

Ah, first impressions, right? He thought that he'd never see her again. That was until school started that year, his first year of middle school- 6th grade.

_Everything was different in the middle school. It only had three grades, yet it had its own separate building, which baffled Finn. Why did they do that? They could have fit them in the elementary, but _whatever.

_He had his own locker now instead of a cubby, which kind of sucked, but made him feel kind of grown up. He was taking hard classes, like geography and hard spelling. He would now start to learn how to be responsible. Well, at least the school would _try _to teach him responsibility._

_Finn walked into his classroom here really early since his mom had to go to work and he didn't ride the school bus because… well, just because it was infested with losers. So he grabbed his school supplies for his first class, a pencil and a folder, and walked into the classroom. The teacher wasn't even present, but there was someone in the room. _

_Finn groaned silently, wishing he could have a few moments to himself. He sat down towards the back and obviously startled the girl who was sitting in the front. He could tell it was a girl by the long dark hair and the pale pink sweater she wore. _

_She jumped in her chair, turning around to look at the source of the noise with large brown eyes showing. He had to stifle laughter because her eyes were as big as the owl's that was printed on the front of her sweater._

_Wait a minute…! This is the Lima Bean Princess! What is she doing here? She never went to his school before. _

"_Oh, hello," She spoke in the familiar voice he had remembered, the voice that had imprinted in his mind as he was star struck when he first saw her. _

"_You know, it's been proven by various studies that students who sit in the back learn less and do more poorly in school than those who sit in the front," She talks quickly. _

_Finn looks at her blankly for a while and she scrunches her face up, running out of patience. _

"_Okay…"_

_She turned back to face the front. _

_He had his opportunity with this girl right now and he was not talking? What, was he stupid? Maybe it's because he usually sits in the back! He jumps out of his chair and walks up to the front, sitting right next to her on the left. He grins when he sees her lips curl into a very large smile. _

"_I knew my words would have an impact on you! What's your name?" She questions._

"_I-Uh…"_

"_Hey, wait a minute," She squints her eyes. "Aren't you that boy? The one that was at the ice cream shop with that God awful boy Noah Puckerman? The boy who looks like a skunk?"_

"_A skunk?" Finn questions amusedly._

"_Well yes! He has just a strip of hair on his head. What is with that? Why can't he get a nice hairstyle like yours, for instance?" She glances at his freshly cut hair. _

_He blushes, "Yeah, I'm that kid. I'm Finn Hudson. But I'm-I'm not like Puck."_

"_Good. I guess I don't dislike you anymore Finn. Finn… hmm, I'm guessing that's short for Finnegan?"_

"_How'd you know?"_

"_Well what else would it be?" She questions with a bright smile. "I'm Rachel Berry, by the way."_

"_That's cool. You're new here then?"_

"_Yes. My dads' and I moved from Toledo," Rachel answers. _

"_Dads'?" He asks confusedly._

"_I have two of them. Dads'," She explains quietly, hoping he doesn't judge her because of that._

"_That's awesome!" He explodes. "I mean, I don't even have one dad, and you have two!"_

"_You don't think I'm a freak because of that?" Rachel questions hopefully._

"_No, I think you're awesome because of that!"_

_She smiled brilliantly and shook her head, "Well, it'd be nice to have a mom too, you know."_

"_Yeah, I love my mom."_

"_How about this; I'll share my dads' with you if you share your mom?" Rachel offers. _

_He nods his head with a grin on his face, "Sounds like a deal."_

And from then on they had been best friends. They started out as acquaintances, as Rachel liked to put it, but he always said they'd been best friends from the start. They were meant to be best friends. Like soul mates, but… friend mates. Whatever, he gets what he's saying. She was the best thing for him, the best thing to happen to him and he would never want to be apart from her.

But she would be leaving in less than a year to go to New York and try to be a Broadway actress. She'd always loved singing, dancing, and acting. And when she sang… everyone in the room was dead silent. It was so impressive and touching and… he couldn't get enough of Rachel when she sang.

He knew she would be a star just as much as _she _knew she'd be a star. She had things going for her.

But Finn didn't. He was mediocre in school, pulling C's and sometimes the occasional D would appear on his report card. Which is exactly why he knew how screwed he was when graduation came.

Realistically, he had exactly four months and ten days until she left for New York to attend _NYADA_, her school of choice and, of course, the most superior theater arts program in the nation. She even had to audition to get in and because of her tremendous talent, she hardly even had to show up for it to be accepted. On top of all that, she got in with a full ride scholarship.

Four months and ten days wasn't nearly long enough for him to get his shit together. Hell, he had an entire year to choose a college to go to and he still didn't have a place to go. Of course Rachel didn't know this, which is surprising since she can always tell when he's lying to her.

He thinks maybe she hasn't said anything was because she herself was afraid of the fact that her best friend was a complete and total loser. Let's face it; he had high school hero, life zero printed right on his forehead. He needed to figure _something _out and he needed to do so soon.

This is exactly why he's sitting in Ms. Pillsbury's guidance counseling office in a worn out squishy chair trying to sort through all the possibilities he had and what he wanted to do.

"Okay, Finn, what about something sports related? I mean, I know you're the football, basketball, and baseball star. I think your best bet is getting into a school with your athletic talents and-."

"No," Finn interrupts gently. "I-I don't want to be a professional sports player. Sure I play sports in school, but it's not _me_."

"Well, what is… _you_?" She lifts her hands in question, a serious look of curiosity on her face.

He always liked that about Ms. Pillsbury; she wasn't a very _experienced _educator, but she was definitely a welcoming and inspirable woman. She knew what she was doing when it came in listening to kids.

"I don't know…" He trails off, his cheeks burning red.

He really didn't. Well, he was afraid to admit what he wanted. He didn't want to be branded as a geek who wanted to… who wanted to do what he thought he wanted to do. Maybe he didn't even _want _to do that. Maybe he's just being crazy.

"You're thinking about something," She narrows her eyes. "Spill."

He lets out a loud sigh and squeezes his eyes shut.

"Nah… I mean… I wouldn't be able to do it-."

"Finn! Don't ever say that you wouldn't be able to do something! If you try hard enough, anything is possible. Now tell me what you want to do."

"I want to teach."

His eyes remained shut and he thinks that an hour passed by before she says something.

"Well… like teach what?"

"School stuff," He opens his eyes and shrugs. "Like… a music teacher."

There. He finally said it. He finally admitted to wanting to be a teacher, and of all things a music teacher. He was pretty much asking for death here, wasn't he? Seriously? Who becomes a teacher? That's just… _wack_.

But if he were to be honest with himself… he loved the idea. Of inspiring kids to do well in school like his own teachers have done for him? That's absolutely amazing. Like, sure he wasn't great a school, but his teachers definitely pushed him enough to want to get out of this shitty town. And look at Ms. Pillsbury! She just told him that he could do _anything_. That felt really good, too. He wants to make kids feel as good as he does. You know, when he's old and has to get a serious job and stuff.

"That's… that's amazing," She lets out a shaky laugh. "I would have never guessed! Well, we have many options for you then. You can go to pretty much any university to get your teaching license."

She gets up from her chair and walks over to her filing cabinet with all her college stuff in it. After a few minutes, she comes back with multiple packets of information.

"We have many options in Ohio for you. But I also threw in a few out of state applications. Like in New York," She looks pointedly at him.

He nods his head in understanding. She knows that he doesn't want Rachel to leave without him.

"Anyways," A smile, "I think this is it. But you need to hurry. Deadlines are in four days. I don't want to get your hopes up… but I think you'll get in to the school you want to. You may not have the best grade point average, but you have excellent recognition in the community and in the school with extra-curricular courses. Good luck, Finn. I will be looking forward to seeing your results."

He smiles brightly and stands up, feeling the rise of hope in his chest. Walking to the door, he stops when he hears her voice again.

"Finn," Ms. Pillsbury gently calls him.

He looks over his shoulder to see her.

"You'll be a great teacher."

His entire being explodes in happiness at the thought that she seriously thinks that. She's a teacher herself! That's got to be a good sign.

"Thanks," Finn breathes out before leaving her office with great pep in his step.

All he needed to do now was get into a New York college.

Easy peasy.

Apparently 'easy peasy' wasn't exactly the best thing to say. Because when he got two letters back from NYU and CUNY- Staten Island denying acceptance in a very polite and collected manner, he had a feeling that this wasn't going to happen for him.

He had avoided Rachel for at least a week now and tried to block her completely from his mind. Clearly that wasn't possible, but he needed to try to focus on getting into a school in New York. By the looks of it, it wasn't happening. After that priority came the part where he needed to get into a school in general before Rachel found out. She would be so, so disappointed in him if he ended up being a full time worker at Burt's Tire Shop.

He was sitting in his room, playing COD to express his frustration, and moping like crazy when his bedroom door bursts open.

He jumps up into a sitting position, for he had stretched out to be extra lazy while he played, and jerked his head towards the door to see the intruder, expecting to see his mother or Kurt telling him to come down to eat dinner or something. However, it wasn't either of those people.

He said her name before he processed anything else; the fact that his room smelt like dirty socks and moldy pizza, or that his only pieces of clothing are his sleepy shirt and boxers.

"Rachel," The name falls from his lips.

Suddenly everything registers and his eyes widen.

"Rachel! What are you doing here?"

He jumps up, trying to cover himself.

Rachel rolls her eyes, "Oh please, like I haven't seen you in your boxers before. Like I haven't seen you _naked _before."

He realizes that she's seen him in his boxers tons of times (okay, she saw his manhood various times over the years too because apparently they both have really bad timing and no limits as to when or when not to open a closed door) and shrugs before dropping back into bed.

"What's wrong with you?" She questions seriously, crossing her arms in front of her practically nonexistent chest, something she had been always insecure about which is exactly why she crosses her arms in front of her chest so much.

_"I mean, look at Santana. She's just... she's got really large breasts and-."_

_"Yeah she does," Finn's dopey smile spreads across his face._

_"And she gets reactions like yours for instance from guys all the time. While on the other hand, I'm positive you and Puckerman are the only two boys who have ever shown interest in me. And you only show friendly interest. And Puck... well, he doesn't count because he hits on anybody," She vents._

_"Rachel, your boobs are cool," He shrugs, his thirteen year old self not knowing much censorship._

_"What?" Rachel giggles, looking at him with wide eyes. She secretly hoped he was being serious though._

_"Yeah. I mean, I stare at them all the time when we play board games or you make us study and stuff."_

_A smile is on her face, one that's grateful to have him in her life. He smiles himself, glad that he said the right thing. But a few seconds pass and Rachel finally gets some sense back before slapping Finn across the face._

_"Don't stare at my chest, pervert!" Rachel screeched._

He remembered all random moments with Rachel. He remembered all moments with Rachel in general because she was awesome. He never wanted to forget them. After a few minutes pass, he snaps back to reality and finally speaks up.

"What do you mean?" He mumbles.

Scoffing loudly, she plops down next to him on the bed, stretching out on her back so she was lying along the width of the bed. He remains sitting upright for at least another minute, but she scoffs again and he lies on his own back so he was parallel to her.

"You've been avoiding me for a while now," She sadly says.

"Noooo."

"Yeaaaah," She copies. "I just… I'll be leaving so soon and… it hurts that you don't want to spend time with me."

This makes him snap back to reality.

"What?" Finn turns his head to look at her. Her eyes were fixated on his ceiling and he felt like a total douche bag because she totally had her 'about to cry' face on.

"Hey," He moves on, turning over on his side and placing a hand on her cheek to make her look at him. "I'm not avoiding you."

"Sure feels like it," She laughs, something she always does when she's upset and isn't comfortable. That makes him feel even worse.

"I'd never avoid you. It's just… I need to figure some things out for myself."

"What do you need to figure out?" She questions curiously with concern.

He sighs and shakes his head, "You'll be mad."

"You're not dating Quinn Fabray again, are you?" She gasps.

He chuckles. Rachel _hated _Quinn Fabray.

"No. It's about college."

"What about it? You're going to OSU?" Her voice sounds fabricated.

"No I'm not."

There. Now she knows that he lied to her.

And when she nods her head and says, "I know you aren't," in the softest voice ever, a very understanding tone, he has a feeling that she just might be okay with this.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Her small hand had given his large one another gentle squeeze and that's when he broke down.

Tears stung his eyes. He wouldn't have even noticed that they actually started falling freely if it weren't for Rachel snuggling into his side, placing her chin on his shoulder and leaving a kiss on his cheek. This only made him cry even more. He felt like a total baby when he cried, especially around her. The first time he cried in front of her was when they were fourteen years old.

_They had been having one of their classic all day movie marathon in which she got to pick her favorite movies (ALWAYS Funny Girl and How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days) and he got to pick his favorite movies (ALWAYS Braveheart and Spiderman). _

"_My mom is getting _married_," Finn said, interrupting the 'You're So Vain' number. _

_Rachel smiled brilliantly and clapped her hands excitedly. _

"_That's so great!" She cried out in bliss. "I hope I get to be in the wedding."_

_He shakes his head angrily, "Well I'm glad someone will be there, because I definitely won't be!"_

_He had jerked his now ginormous length wise body off the comfortable couch and stormed out of her house. He had just gotten to his bike when she made it out of the house herself wearing her little pink shorts, pink flip flops, and pink tube tank top. It showed off her very skinny stomach, and since it was pretty humid, was suitable towards her bodily needs. _

"_Finn!" She yelled, running down her driveway out to where he had just hopped on his bike. "Don't ride off, please."_

_So he didn't. And before she could even say anything he burst into tears. _

"_I'm going to have to share a room with _Kurt_," He wept._

"_That'll be fun! Kurt is really funny and dresses really-."_

"_He likes boys, Rachel," Finn deadpanned. _

"_So?" She shrugs. "My dads' are gay and you don't have a problem with them. At least you better not."_

"_Of course I don't," He sniffs. "But it's different this way. I mean, Kurt asked me to a school dance just this year. He likes me… like has a crush on me. I don't know if I can deal with that. And the guys' at school, they'll have a hay day with this one."_

"_Who cares what they think?" She interrupts his wet rant. "You're better than all of them."_

After that he was totally okay with his mom marrying Burt. He knew that Rachel was genuine when she said he was better than all of them; he knew that she truly believed that he wasn't just a run of the mill average. He had been ready to accept that his mother was going to remarry and he was ready to accept Kurt as his brother, no matter what the jocks at school had said. And now he couldn't imagine having a different brother or dad. But this was a different situation and he's afraid that this is it for he and Rachel. This was where their friendship turned to a big piece of shit because he screwed everything up.

"Shh," She soothes, her had moving up to his face to caress it. "It's alright, it's alright."

"No it's not," He chokes out. "I just fucked everything up, Rach."

She doesn't say anything and that makes him let out a groan of frustration.

"Stop, Finn. It's alright. Who says you screwed anything up, though?" She questions. "I mean, you still have time to get into a college. Even if it's not a school in New York, it'll be alright."

"Yeah," He bitterly agrees. "The thing is I don't want to be anywhere but with you."

He looks into her eyes, sees how they darken noticeably even though a stream of sunlight dances around on her face, highlighting her every feature.

"Finn," She shakes her head.

"No, don't argue with me about that. Rachel, I can't handle being so far away from you. Maybe you're okay with leaving the person who knows everything about you, but I'm not."

"Who said that I'm okay with leaving you?" She shrieks angrily, moving her hand from my face and separating her body from mine. She now sits perched at the foot of my bed. Finn still remains in the same position, too broken to make any move.

"Well, you have no problem going to New York, do you?"

Finn knows he's being selfish right now. He shouldn't have said that to her; New York is Rachel's _everything_. It's where her dreams began and where they thrived. She spent her entire childhood preparing to go to New York.

"_Being a part of something special makes you special."_

She had always said that about New York. That's why she wanted to go. Rachel had never fit in here. People always put her down, the dull state of Ohio put her down. Plus, she was meant for something larger than this. She was meant to share her talent with more than a few people in a small town. She was bound for stardom and she deserved even more than that.

So why, why the hell did he say that to her?

"It's not easy for me to leave," Her lower lip trembles. "You think that I don't toss and turn at night, dreading the day that I have to leave my family and friends? And of all things, leave _you?_"

It's her turn to cry and she lets out a choked sob before covering her face with her hands.

"Rach, I didn't… Please don't cry," He begs, now sitting up.

"I'm leaving, Finn."

"I know. I know you're going to New York and-."

"No, I'm leaving right now."

And with that she gets up and leaves.

Totally fucked.

Those were the only two words that came to mind for Finn lately. It had been two days since he told Rachel off. Since he told her that she was escaping everything and everyone in Ohio.

Doing the math, he has exactly four months and two days left with Rachel. Which is why it was super dumb to let her walk away from him over some stupid little argument. He shouldn't have said anything to her. He shouldn't have been so harsh when he told those things to her.

Yet again, Finn Hudson was in the wrong.

School was getting more boring every single day. He had a serious case of senioritis, a common disease in which a soon to graduate senior just gets more and more anxious to leave school. It was probably the worst feeling ever.

Right now, he was sitting in Chemistry, being bored out of his mind. The teacher is trying to teach still, which baffles him. The senior class would be graduating in less than a month. Why even try to shove any more information into them? There was already a lot to think about.

He turns his head to the left and looks at her. Rachel has Chemistry this hour as well. They usually sit by each other as lab partners, but today she sits next to Puck. That's strange since she usually avoids Puck as often as possible since she was afraid he was going to try and steal her money and use her for her body. But they knew each other enough to be friends. In fact, in Finn's eyes and in most people's opinion, Puck and Rachel were actually best friend. Nowhere near being as close as Finn and Rachel, but pretty close.

He remembers when they all hung out for the first time. It was seventh grade and both parties involved were offended.

_Finn Hudson's doorbell rang, causing him to spring off his dad's chair in the living room and towards the front door. He knew it was going to be her. Even though he had two guests coming to hang out at his place today, he knew that the other would no way in hell be there on time, let alone ten minutes early. _

_Swinging the door open, he's met with Rachel Berry, his friend of an entire year. They had automatically meshed together well after they met for the second time. Rachel was a really great listener, was really smart, and pretty. Finn was funny and charismatic. They were complete opposites. Rachel perfect and Finn a mess. But they worked. And Finn was more than happy to further their friendship. He had a feeling this was a once in a lifetime relationship and didn't want to ever give up. _

_So he invited her over to watch the first game of the World Series. She didn't even know that the World Series was for baseball, which made him even more anxious to get her over to watch. _

_The only problem though was that Puck and Finn _always _watched the World Series together. No matter what through sickness and even death. Yeah, one time Puck's Great Aunt Something died and Puck managed to sneak out of a funeral dinner and to Finn's house to watch game 3. It was worth it though. _

"_Hi Finn!" Rachel brightly greets with a huge smile. "How are you?"_

"_Good. Come in, Ray," He uses his new nickname for her._

"_Thank you," She walks across the threshold, past Finn and to the living room. It wasn't her first time over here, though she still wasn't entirely familiar with the directions of the house. However, she remembered the living room. _

_Popcorn and butter was a very loud scent in the room, but she didn't mind. She happened to love popcorn._

"_What kind of butter did-."_

"_Organic. 100%," He interrupts, reassuring his little health nut of a friend._

"_Well, looks like everything here is good. We have ten minutes until the game starts. What do you want to do?"_

"_I don't know… Maybe get some drinks from downstairs? I think my mom has juice and stuff stocked up."_

"_Where is Carole?" Rachel wonders aloud, following behind Finn. She can't help but stare at the back of his head that had to have been at least six inches higher than her own. Finn, once a runt, was now the tallest boy in his class._

_His shoulders shrug before elaborating._

"_Apparently she's at Burt's Auto Shop getting her car repaired and stuff. But the car is perfectly fine… So maybe the oil needs to be changed or something."_

_They continue their journey to the basement where they retrieve some drinks before heading upstairs. The game had just started when the door swung open with Noah Puckerman. He waltzed right in as if this were his own house; exactly opposite of Rachel's calm and collected entrance._

"_Wassup', wassup Hudson!" Puck wails loudly, rounding the corner to the living room. _

_He stopped in his tracks. Rachel spit her juice over Finn's bean bag that was in front of her. _

"_No. Way." She shook her head violently._

_Finn face palmed before looking back and forth between his two friends. _

"_What is _she _doing here? No one said losers were invited," Puck comments._

_Rachel gasps audibly before returning the insult._

"_No one said _buttheads _were invited either."_

_Finn can't help but chuckles slightly. This catches the attention of both the very angered people in his living room. He blushes a bright red and wishes he would have just invited Rachel to watch the recap with him or something else. This was definitely not worth it._

"_Why is he here, Finn. Explain."_

_Her voice is so stern he breaks._

"_Puck always watches the World Series with me. I couldn't tell him no just because you were coming."_

"_Why did you even invite her, dude? She's a total loser. No one at school likes her. Quinn will never want to date you if she finds out how much you've been spending time with her," Puck harshly rants. _

_Finn's eyes dart over to Rachel. She looks so innocent and small. Her petite frame and pink sundress. She was adorable. But on her small face was a saddened expression. Finn knew popularity was a soft spot for Rachel for she had never fit in anywhere besides at home. That's why she wanted to leave Ohio so badly. Apparently New York has all the things she needs. Finn just hopes he can move out of his mom's house._

"_She's not a loser. And who cares what Quinn thinks? I don't want to date her."_

_Lie. Finn has had a crush on Quinn Fabray since the beginning of seventh grade. But Rachel seems to brighten up a little after he says this, making him think it won't really matter if he fibs a little bit._

"_I like Rachel. She's really cool. If you don't want to hang out with her, Puck… then leave."_

_Finn hated that he had to do this, but it was impossible not to. He did really like Rachel. Like he said before, he and Rachel had this weird connection and he wasn't ready to give up on her. He'd never be ready to give up on her. So he had to do it. _

_With the finality of his statement, he had plopped back down on the couch. Rachel gently sat next to him, crossing her olive skin toned legs. _

_And Puck flung himself down onto the couch right next to Rachel._

_So they watched the game, and Rachel had asked tons of questions that Puck mostly answered for her. Though he was jealous that Puck was spending time with Rachel when he couldn't, Finn wanted them to get on each other's good side, so he mainly just tuned in to the game and let them chatter away. This is good. Both his friends were on good terms with each other. This was how it should be. Now he didn't have to worry about that. _

"_I'll see you at Temple, Noah," Rachel smiled and waved after leaving the house and hopping on her bike._

"_She's not that bad," Puck comments. "Except that 'Noah' shit. I'm Puck."_

_Finn chuckled and punched Puck playfully in the arm._

"_Yeah you are."_

"_She's also all kinds of hot. Wouldn't mind getting my mack on with her after Temple this week. Catch you on the flipside, Hudson."_

_Yeah right, Finn thought, as if Rachel would ever kiss you._

Turns out Finn's assumption of Rachel not ever kissing Puck was quite off base considering she had shared her very first smooch with him. He was pissed that Puck would make the moves on his best girl friend and was pissed that his best girl friend would allow Puck to make the moves on her. It was all just stupid.

**Short update, I know. I hardly have time since it's the end of the school year and I'm swamped with school work and tests etc. Next chapter will be the 'start' of this story. No more flashbacks either, to young friend finchel. Thanks for reviewing and please keep doing so!**


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR ITS CHARACTERS; THIS IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.

3.

Finn ended up wasting another two days before coming to his senses and going after Rachel. He needed to fix things before everything fell apart. Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic, but he hated being away from her. He was in for a rude awakening when she actually did move to New York.

He had just gotten done with baseball practice when he went to find her. He knew that she would still be at school. She had mentioned a week ago that she needed to prepare herself for her final audition for _NYADA,_ the school she was going to attend this coming fall semester. And to prepare herself, she needed a real stage with great acoustics like the one in school.

Finn's cleats clicked on the linoleum floor of his school. He knew the janitors would kill him if they saw him walking with dirty shoes, especially ones that have plastic like spikes, but he was taking his chances. He didn't want to miss her before she left. Sure he could just go to her house, but he didn't know what he would do or say, especially if one of her dads' answered… He just couldn't face it. He knew Rachel was very open with her dads', so she probably told them. Hopefully he isn't on the Hiram/Leroy Hit List.

His heart flutters as he approaches the entrance to the auditorium. The doors on the left side are wide open, and he can hear her angelic singing voice bursting out in a gentle melody. The lights are off except for one sole spotlight that shines right on her. She looks adorable, too. With her bangs straightened with her part. He preferred her bang-less as he could see her face better. She wears this cute tan dress with white ribbons. Always so naturally beautiful, Rachel never needed to wear makeup.

"_When I look into your eyes,_

_It's like watching the night sky._

_Or a beautiful sunrise._

_Well there's so much they hold._

_And just like them old stars,_

_I see that you've come so far._

_To be right where you are._

_How old is your soul?_

_Well I won't give up,_

_On us. _

_Even if the skies get rough._

_I'm giving you all my love,_

_I'm still looking up._

_And when you're needing your space,_

_To do some navigating._

_I'll be here patiently waiting,_

_To see what you find._

_Cause even the stars they burn,_

_Some even fall to the earth._

_We've got a lot to learn._

_God knows we're worth it._

_No! I won't give up._

_I don't want to be someone who walks away so easily,_

_I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make._

_A difference is they do a lot _

_To teach us how to use the tools and gifts we've got _

_Yeah we've got a lot at stake._

_And in the end you're still my friend _

_At least we didn't tend for us to work _

_We didn't break we didn't burn._

_We had to learn how to bend _

_Without the world caving in. _

_I had to learn what I got _

_And what I'm not and who I am. _

_I won't give up on us._

_Even if the skies get rough._

_I'm given you all my love._

_I'm still looking up,_

_I'm still looking up._

_I won't give up on us._

_God knows I'm tough enough._

_We've got a lot to learn._

_God knows we're worth it._

_I won't give up on us._

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I'm giving you all my love._

_I'm still looking up."_

He sits in stunned silence, baffled by the beautiful melody that Rachel can hold and by the lyrics of this song. It's so beautiful, so meaningful. And so true. She has to be talking about him and her, right? Like, not romantically, but friendship wise. How she doesn't want to give up on them just yet.

That's at least how he felt. And he felt pretty confident that that's what she was feeling too. Because they had built this entire relationship for so long, had worked very hard to achieve this once in a lifetime friendship to let it go so easily. They're not giving up, it's impossible to give up.

He can't help himself after a few seconds of being quiet. He suddenly jumps up and starts applauding as loud as he could.

She squints her eyes tightly, nearly shutting them, trying to make out the figure in the auditorium. She didn't think anyone would be watching since one, most people here at McKinley despised her and her talent, and two, it was past the normal time spring sports practices got out. Rachel had just assumed everyone had gone home, or at least was getting ready to go home.

But she apparently had a surprise guest.

"Hello?" Rachel's voice rings around the auditorium.

"Rach, it's me," Finn's voice replies.

He moves his way down the aisle and up to the stage, ignoring the glare that she pointed at his shoes.

"What are you doing here?"

Finn flinches at the harsh voice Rachel used. Her eyes are dark and cold, now glaring at his face and not his cleats on her stage floor. His eyes wander down her body to the floor in shame.

"Look, Rach, I'm so, so sorry," He starts, lifting his head up when he hears her scoff loudly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"And I-I know it's not enough to just apologize. I've done _a lot _of shitty things lately and I'm just so sorry. I just have been acting up because, well… you're leaving. And it sucks, _God_ does it _suck_, that my best friend who knows everything about me and has always stuck by me is going to be _gone_. I'm so afraid, Rachel. I'm so scared of what's going to happen to me, to us, when you're gone.

"Like, what's going to happen? I mean, I'm not going to be able to do shit with my life. I haven't even been accepted into a_ny _colleges. That's so screwed up. So what, I don't get into college, so I go and work for Burt and become another Lima loser? I can't do anything without you, Rachel. That's why I wanted to go to New York, that's why I'm trying. That's why I blamed you for leaving us all; I just wanted you to stay.

"I'm being so selfish, and I'm just sorry, okay? Please just hear me out on that."

There. He's spilled out everything. The expression on her face is saddened and she has tears in her eyes. That's fucking great, too, since he made her cry for the second time in a week or two. This is just getting so frustrating. Things didn't have to be this way; they didn't have to waste their time.

"You," She starts, stuttering. "You're scared?"

"Out of my mind," He admits with a shaky voice, looking back down to the ground.

The last thing Finn expected was for a small pair of arms to wrap strongly around his body in a powerful hug. He let out a long sigh and wraps his own lengthy arms loosely around her tiny frame, dropping his face to the crook of her shoulder and inhaling deeply. God, she smelt so nice; like a floral shop or something. She felt amazing too, soft and so Rachel-ish. It'd been forever since they contacted each other, let alone physically interact.

Just one simple hug did it for him.

They were now sitting on the edge of the stage, right in the center with their legs hanging off, enabling them to kick the limbs around freely. Her hand was on his thigh, gently massaging it in a calm manner. His hand was on top of hers.

"I didn't realize how concerned you are about me leaving. I mean, I knew that it was going to be hard for… both of us," Rachel says in a quiet tone.

"Of course I'm concerned."

She nods slightly and looks down at her lap, inhaling loudly and exhaling just as.

"I'm the one being selfish."

He turns his head to face her with shock etched on his face. He didn't want her to think that about herself. It's not true or anything.

"No, why would you say that?"

"Because… I'm only thinking of myself. It's all I've ever thought about. God," She scoffs. "I'm just so damn conceited and look where it's getting me; to New York. New York, it's all I've ever wanted. But when I go to New York, who am I going to have? I won't have family or friends or… I won't have you at all, Finn. I can't believe you ever put up with me."

"What? No, don't say that. You need to go to New York, Rachel. It's everything, it's you. You deserve a place like New York. New York deserves _you_. I want you to go the distance. And sure you are pretty selfish," He grins down at her.

She punches him with her free hand in the shoulder.

"But you've had your moments. Like all the times you take care of me when I'm sick, or when you do charity events, or how you always make people want to be a better person; it's all very unselfish. You're pretty amazing."

Her laugh echoes around the auditorium loud and strong like everything she is. She's always just this rock for everyone, a person to lean on whenever you need to. And although the Cheerio's give her hell and the jocks mess around with her, they would be screwed without her. Rachel has contributed so much to their class, to their school, to their community. She knew what she was doing and she was doing a hell of a job at it.

Finn Hudson had never been so proud of anyone in his life.

"So are we…are we good?" He dares to ask.

"Yeah," She smiles brightly. "We always were. We just had a stupid argument. I overreacted, and you were a ass, buuut," She sings, "It's fine. Now I have A LOT to tell you!"

"Okay, starting with what exactly?" He smiles.

"My final NYADA audition, the one where the advisors at the school choose who will go to what classes and whatnot, is coming up so soon, Finn," She stands up, walking to center stage where she had been when he first came in. "And I'm so excited."

"You're not nervous at all?" He questions.

She shakes her head with a small smile on her lips.

"I'm so ready for this. And I'm performing one of my favorite songs in the world that I'm absolutely s_tunning _while singing-."

"Don't Rain On My Parade?" Finn takes a wild guess.

She fake gasps, "How'd you know? Have you been snooping around my diary?"

"Nah, I just know a lot about my best friend," He gets up himself, walking to center stage to her.

"It's getting pretty late. You want to go out for pizza or something?"

"That'd be great. Now get off my stage with those cleats!"

"So, you and Rachel made up?" Kurt wonders aloud, walking into Finn's bedroom.

"Dude, knock," Finn snarls, glaring at his step-brother as if he had walked in on Finn doing something embarrassing or confidential. However, Finn was just sitting on the edge of his bed with his Xbox controller in hand, playing Call of Duty.

Kurt just laughs lightly, sarcastically, and plops down on the bed, stretching his body out across the freshly washed linens.

"And I guarantee you know the answer to your question. I'm sure Rachel just called you and talked for hours about it," Finn continues.

Rachel and Kurt were perfect for each other. Rachel always told Finn that Kurt was her soul mate, her exact match. Finn couldn't agree more. They were both Broadway bound, they both loved girly things, and they both could talk someone's ears off. Those were ones that stood out, although there were tons hidden underneath. Like the fact that Kurt hates everything that Rachel wears, but loves her knee socks to death. Although Kurt would never be caught dead in knee socks or even having people find out about his adoration of them, he still is a fanatic. Anyways, Kurt was gay and pretty serious with his boyfriend Blaine, so Rachel couldn't get together with him or anything.

"She did, of course," Kurt flatly confirms. "And did you know that she's singing Don't Rain on my Parade from _Funny Girl_?"

Finn pauses his game, tossing his controller to the ground and turned to look at Kurt.

"Yeah," He shrugs. "She's awesome at that song."

"Yeah, I know. But… it's so basic, don't you think? She got into the school, just like myself. But now she needs to… _jazz _it up a bit. She needs to do something more risqué, per say. Like I was going to sing a _Phantom_ tune, but decided to go with _Chicago_."

"What are you getting at, Kurt?" Finn rubs a hand over his face, suddenly exhausted by all the words flowing from his brother's mouth.

"I'm just saying that a Jewish girl with a loud voice singing a Barbra song is typical. If she wants to get with the finest teachers at _NYADA_, she needs to step up her game."

"Why didn't you just tell her that yourself?"

"I did. That's the problem, that's why I came in here to you. I don't want Rachel to fail. Okay, she won't fail. But in her own mind she will. Especially if she doesn't get in with Carmen Tibideaux she'll be devastated," Kurt answers in a stressed tone.

"Carmen who?" Finn gawks.

"Carmen Tibideaux; the best professor in the _entire _dramatic arts program. She's done a gazillion musicals on Broadway and has tons of community recognition, not to mention just plain stardom. Rachel wants to get in with her, she needs to get in with her to jump to a great Broadway career. I want this for her as much as I want this for myself. Maybe even more…"

Kurt starts rambling on and on about how much Rachel needs this and Finn's head just spins slowly. Carmen Tibideaux; that's a fancy name. How come Rachel never told him about it? That's not really important; she probably just didn't want to bore him to death. Or maybe she actually was nervous about her audition. Maybe she didn't want him to know that she was shaking with fear at the thought of being turned down by a star herself.

Whatever it was, it really was concerning Finn. He totally forgot about his own college problems and started worrying about Rachel's college problems. He knows that it won't be the end of anything if she doesn't get chosen by this Carmen chick; Rachel will still go to New York and still come famous.

"But it will take her longer," Kurt's words ring loudly.

It will take her longer to achieve her dreams, and that's not going along with Rachel Berry's life plan. Broadway was her destiny and she wanted it and wanted it fast. She knew that it wouldn't happen in an instant, but if she had gotten in with Carmen's group, she'd be a part of an elite club. She'd practically have a pass to center stage, to roles that define generations! This would be so big for her!

"I need you to help her, Finn. She needs you to help her."

Finn nodded his head, fully convinced. He needed to take a step back from his own problems and think about her.

After all, she was the only reason he was doing any of this. Plus he needed some time to kill. Waiting around for acceptance was really pushing him over the edge, stressing him out completely. This would be the perfect distraction, plus he'd be helping his best friend. And then they'd be able to start the best summer ever.

Rachel Barbra Berry, you better be ready.

"Absolutely not," Rachel hissed, slamming her binder of sheet music on her desk in her bedroom.

"Whoa, Scary Rachel," Finn calls out on her nasty attitude.

She places a hand on her hip, jutting it out far enough to emphasize her sassiness she currently was sporting.

"How dare you even _suggest_ that I do anything different? Do you not understand how i-important and how crucial this audition is?"

"Yes! That's why you need to do something out of your comfort zone!"

Her eyes widen, "What? That's one million percent crazy, Finn! If I do something out of my comfort zone I will not be performing as well as I could with something that is in my comfort zone!"

"Rachel, stop playing it safe!" Finn yells loudly, interrupting her.

Her hand drops from her hip and her mouth snaps shut.

"Look, you need to do this, okay? I can't force you to do it, but I sure as hell will keep trying to convince you to do it. You sound absolutely amazing singing Don't Rain on my Parade. Seriously, that will still shock this Carmen chick-."

"How do you know about Carmen?"

"What?" Finn innocently questions.

"I can't believe Kurt," Rachel mutters, rolling her eyes

"I can. Because he wants what's best for you. We both want you to go the distance and we know that you'll do fantastic with singing a Barbra song, but it's too typical. You need to rock the socks off of Carmen. You need to make her say 'wow, this girl wasn't afraid to take a chance and really nailed this audition'. You need to make her _want _to work with you," Finn stresses.

She looks down at the floor, blushing a bright red. She knew that Finn was right; it was just hard for her to step away from something she'd practiced since she was a toddler. Barbra would do justice, but wouldn't 'wow' anyone.

"But what song would I sing?"

Finn looks at her with a 'really?' stare.

"You're telling me that in this trunk," Finn moves to her closet, opening up the doors and pulling out her pink shaded storage trunk. "You can't find something to sing, something that is daring?"

"Well, I don't know," She shrugs, looking at it with wide eyes.

"There's only one way to find out then, I guess."

It was two in the morning on a Saturday night and Finn was sitting on a plus white carpet with sheets of music in piles all around him. Five feet away from him was his petite best friend Rachel Berry, her hair pulled up in a high pony tail as she rifled through each and every piece, studying the notes and the rhythms.

"This is useless," Rachel sighs, slapping down a _Thoroughly Modern Millie _song. "Everything in here is _basic_. I've performed all these songs and nailed them all. I need something difficult, something that I have to _work _for."

Finn leans over to the pink trunk yet again, looking in it and seeing only a few contents left. Under the sheets of white paper was a bright yellow folder. Finn pulled it out curiously and opened it up. He saw the inside label and read the sole word it contained.

_ATTEMPT_

"Rach, I think I found it. I think I found your music choices."

**Short chapter, I know, I know, crucify me. But I promise from here on out everything will be way longer. I usually like a 5000-7000 word chapter as I feel it's worthwhile, but… I can't do that right now. I don't want to make you guys wait forever for an update, so I'm just going to give you a few shorter chapters. I have exactly 7 days left in school, so I will be studying like a mad man since finals are here, but I promise that in 7 days once it's all over I will be giving you all long chapters and as frequent as possible. THANK YOU FOR R&R, PLEASE REVIEW NOW! **


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR ITS CHARACTERS

A/N: So sorry for the long wait :/ But school is out for me tomorrow! I will soon be a Junior :D And this is super short, I know, but I **promise ****for sure this time **that future chapters will be up to normal standards! Enjoy and please review!

4.

"I-I," Rachel slowly stuttered, freezing up when she saw that folder. The bright pigment of yellow screamed loudly in her face, taunting her at her failures she had experienced musically. Of course the ordinary person she sounded beautiful when she sang the content in that folder… But to someone musically inclined like herself, or a _NYADA _representative it sounded like a complete disgrace.

Finn's lip curled into his signature half smile as he thought that he totally had nailed this. He found Rachel's _enemy_, her _challenge_. For a while there he had a feeling that there wasn't anything remotely close to a challenge in her life. She was pretty much perfect in general, even if you went down deep to who she is and what her life has been like and is like. Things were always easy going for her because she was a natural at so many things and had a supportive family. Her only flaw would probably be the fact that she had a rough time fitting in, but honestly the only reason why people disliked her was because they were jealous. Jealous of how fantastic she was at _everything _she did because they could never in their lives amount to her entire being.

But now by the flustered look on her face, he knew that this was it. This 'attempt' folder was Rachel Berry's weak spot when it came to her musical genius.

"You've got to choose something from this folder, Rachel!" He exclaims.

She stands up and hops around to get out of the maze they had made with sheet music before sitting down at her vanity, looking into her mirror at herself. She was nervous. Her lip quivered and her hands shook.

It felt like forever before they said anything. He just watched her handle this all. He wanted her to... to accept that this was real and that this was happening.

However she was still in denial.

"You know Don't Rain on my Parade… I really do that song justice," She meekly speaks.

He sighs in frustration.

"Yeah, you do, but you can't do that song, Rach. You know how many people are going to audition with that song? If you choose a song from your… _attempt _folder, you'll really hit it off with the judges. You can't back out of this," He straightly tells her, getting up too and walking across the room to where she sat. He kneeled down behind her so he could make eye contact with her in the mirror for she refused to look away from her reflection.

Rachel shakes her head softly, looking into her own eyes.

"I just…"

"You're a star," He interrupts her trailed off sentence. "And I've known a lot of talented people. Just look at glee club; everyone in there is a great singer… well, except for Sugar, but whatever. Most people in there are great singers. But no one, and I mean _no one _can outshine you. You just need to, and I can't believe I'm actually telling you this, but you need to take more charge."

Her eyes widen and her gaze transfers to his, holding his eyes with her own. For him to suggest she be more flamboyant than she already was was a huge long shot. If anyone were to here Finn's suggestion they would probably slap him and tell him off for trying to ignite even more fire to the engulfing flames Rachel is. To give her permission to be more of a diva.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I'm one hundred percent serious. Because you're at your best when you're being outgoing and courageous. You're at your best when you're being _you_."

She looks away from him and at herself yet again, inhaling very slowly, very deeply. Her eyelashes flutter as she blinks. A few moments later a smile has stretched across her beautiful face.

"I can do this. Hand me that folder, Finn."

XX

"Finn, it's nice to see you again," Ms. Pillsbury greets.

Finn offers a weak smile before sitting down in the squishy chair in front of her desk. His stomach was churning as he knew why he was being called into the counselor's office; he had yet to be accepted into a college.

"Well, Finn, we haven't heard anything back from any colleges yet, have we?" She places her elbows on her desk to prop her chin atop her folded hands.

"No. Well, a bunch of declines," He admits.

"Can I ask you a question, Finn?" She squints her eyes.

He nods his head for confirmation.

"Have you thought about what you might do if you don't get accepted into any colleges?" She hesitantly speaks, eyeing Finn with wide eyes.

Finn looks down at his lap and shrugs. Clearly Ms. Pillsbury thought that he wouldn't make it into a school. It's his own fault, anyways, so he's not mad at her lack of belief in him.

"I mean, I guess I'll work… But I just… I can't stay here in Lima."

"Why not?" She prompts.

She couldn't be serious with that, though, could she? Didn't adults here understand, or were they so far gone down the line too that the lameness of Lima has brainwashed them? They all lived day by day the exact same way and it really bugged the hell out of Finn. He wasn't going to become them! He refused to be them!

"Because I'm not going to allow myself to be a Lima Loser!" He explodes, standing up and practically running out of the office.

He's sprinting down the halls and he's just trying to get away from it all. Why hasn't he heard anything back from the last three colleges he applied to? More importantly, why hasn't he been accepted into any of the handful of colleges he applied to? Why isn't he good enough? He thought that maybe once in his life things might be falling into place for him, that he might have just a little chance to prove to himself that he's not a piece of shit. Apparently he was way off base with that assumption because it's pretty damn clear that that's exactly what he is. He's garbage, a loser. He's meant to stay in Lima.

Finn had somehow made it to his old truck, and he's sitting in the driver's seat, clutching the steering wheel with both hands and dropping his forehead to balance it along the top of the arc. Why do things have to be so complicated now? He pulls away from the wheel and looks up towards the roof of his car. By his sun visor that's folded up, a corner of a piece of paper or something peaks out.

Pulling down the visor, a small rectangular photo is revealed and it floats down and lands directly in his lap. His large hand picks up the fragile photo and holds it up in front of his face to see what it is.

Finn's eyes scrunch together when he realizes it's his father's photo. His military photo. The small smile that graces Specialist Christopher Hudson's face is identical to the one Finn usually sports. His strong, broad shoulders angle towards the camera and he looks completely official in his Marines uniform. His father was a hero. His father had lived in Lima and had turned out to be someone of great honor. A man who was willing to risk it all, his own life for God's sake, for his country. A real man.

A sick feeling settles deep down in Finn's gut. He should be like his father; he should be a hero. Finn should be able to take risks and be the man that his father would have wanted him to be. But instead he sits in his truck sulking over the fact that he doesn't have a college acceptance yet. Throwing a pity party over something that is so… so measly into comparison to serving for the military.

Suddenly the idea is floating in his mind. What if _he _were to join the military? To follow in his father's footsteps. Make something out of himself. Be a _hero_. What if he were to do that?

It scared him out of his mind, being a part of something like that. He'd be signing his death certificate once he enlisted, and his family and friends would be so worried for him. Rachel would be devastated. His mother… he doesn't even know how she would react.

But above his fright was something that just felt _right_. Like pride. He felt great, actually, to do his father justice.

It's not like he'd be gone forever. He'd just serve for his term of four years. Then he could go to college and get his teaching degree. Everything would work out perfectly. Plus after his time in the military he'd have some money and a few benefits. More security in his adult years.

It would be his best shot at proving who he is and what he is capable of.

XX

Rachel had been working extremely hard on her song choice. She's still iffy at it, which gives her a good sign. Finn was totally right, Kurt was right; she needed a fresh start and a new attack. It would be her only chance.

Life was just really stressful lately; Finn's college hiatus, their friendship on the rocks, her nerves over being accepted into Carmen's class. It was all too much and she needed to back off and take a break, which is exactly why she was at the Hummel/Hudson house at this moment.

"What movie did you choose?" She asks, sitting down on his bedroom floor with her fuzzy pink blanket wrapped around her body.

"Uh… I actually chose _Flyboys_," He answers tightly, putting the movie into his DVD player.

"Oh… Isn't that movie about war? Don't you think that's a little depressing?" Rachel scrunches her nose slightly and looks at him.

"Yeah, but I… I like the movie a lot actually," He awkwardly explains.

Rachel's eyes narrow into two small slits.

"What's wrong?"

She had known Finn forever. She knew when he was stressed, upset, angered, et cetera. And by the way he was acting right now, the weird overcast in his eyes and the tight sentences he was feeding her, proved that there was something wrong.

"No!" Finn shouts too quickly, only raising the petite brunette's suspicion even more.

"Just drop it," He adds quietly, sitting down on the floor next to her.

So she does, which kind of scares the shit out of Finn.

This was totally unlike Rachel Berry. She always loved to elaborate on her own thoughts. It didn't matter what kind of situation anyone was in; she loved putting her personal opinion in on it. Even if the awkwardness of the setting was inevitable, like right now. So why the hell was she quieting down? Something about the way he was acting was making her… nervous. Like he had bad news or… or something along those lines.

The sickness started to swirl around in her stomach. She shouldn't be thinking of this now. She came to Finn's place to relax and shove away her nauseating feelings of her audition for the _NYADA _representatives. She came her so she could make herself feel _better_, not worse.

The movie credits are rolling and she tries to calm down, but she just can't. And then Finn speaks up and smoothly pats over that awkward five minutes they had just experienced.

"And you're kind of a hypocrite. War is depressing, but a husband being addicted to gambling and leaving his wife and child isn't?"

Rachel looks at him with wide eyes and bursts out into laughter. He lifts his arm up and places it around her shoulders, and she gladly leans in against his strong frame, inhaling the sweet and musky scent that Finn defined.

"He didn't leave her… He just was taken away to go to prison. Those are two totally different things. If he left her he would have had the choice."

"But… what if he left her because he had good intentions?" Finn offered in an odd tone.

Rachel just snuggled in closer to his embrace.

"That wouldn't happen. If you love something enough you wouldn't just leave. Even if the intentions were to benefit themselves or the other."

XX

He felt like a douche. The movie played for a good two hours and Rachel was bawling throughout most of it. Not to mention what she said earlier. About people leaving being bad even if they had good intentions. It was all screwed up. He wasn't going to tell her about what he had been thinking, though he thought playing military related movies would sort of "warm" her up to the idea… And that itself was just plain sick. That he wanted to _prepare_ her for his news.

Finn knew no matter how easy he approached the subject that it would still be a nearly impossible one. And this was just Rachel he was talking about. His mother was a totally different story. Everything was just really screwed up in his life, outside of his mind and body. But inside everything seemed to be falling into place. He had his plan.

A week later confirmed everything for one hundred percent surety when he received his last two college letters, both declining his acceptance. It hurts that he didn't get in anywhere, and he wonders why he was that bad of a person, but then settles for the idea that it obviously wasn't his destiny to go to college.

His future lied in the military.

And now he was busy in his room filling out applications to enlist. So much information, way more detailed than any of his college applications. The seriousness of the situation weighed down on him but he didn't doubt his decision. He was eighteen years of age and was very well capable of making a damn good one.

He decided to break the news to his family _after _he sent his formal enlistment. Because then they couldn't stop him from doing this. They really couldn't before either since he was a legal adult, but he knew that his mother would sway his opinion with her crying and Rachel… Rachel would… yeah…

Reading the fine print, he lifts his pen once again to sign his name on the final line. The final line that confirms that Finn C. Hudson is ready to sign his death certificate under all circumstances. Just as his ink is dotting the 'I' to his name, the last thing he always does when scrawling his signature, his bedroom door opens up and his middle aged mother waddles in with a laundry basket attached to her hip.

Quickly, Finn jumps up from where he was seated at his desk, knocking over a crap load of stuff on the surface, and scraps the papers behind his back.

Carole looks at him, appalled by his unnecessary abruptness. But there had to be a reason. The mother knew that she shouldn't press him about what he was doing. The last time she did that she found out that her son had been looking at porn online and she really didn't want to know about his hormonal cravings.

But that was years ago… He couldn't be so careless as to be looking at something so promiscuous when he knew the entire family was home.

"What the hell?" Carole comments.

"Oh, hey mom," Finn offers a huge ass fake smile. "Thanks for doing my laundry."

"Yeah," She trails off, looking at his arms that are leading to behind his back. "Say, Finn, what do you have there?"

Finn's eyes widen a little and he swallows thickly with a quite loud _gulp_.

"N-Nothing, mom."

"Finn," She warns.

He looks down with shame. This was the moment. He didn't have time to prepare an explanation and he didn't even feel the confidence bubbling inside. He was raw, bare.

Pulling the document in front of him, his mother steps forward, drops the laundry basket…

And he watches as his mother falls to the floor, a hand clutching her chest in desperation.


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR ITS CHARACTERS

5.

The first thing that rushed through his mind was panic. A disgruntled cry emitted from his throat and he dropped down to his knees to help his mother.

He really uses the word 'help' lightly.

"Mom!" Finn screamed, tears clouding his vision. Is this really happening? Is she seriously passed out? What if she's dead?

He feels guilt seep deep into his bones and he kneels back looking at the pale face while his head spun tightly in circles. What the fuck is he doing right now? He's backing out when he's needed and that's exactly why he was a coward. His decision to join the Army was deeming to be quite inappropriate.

But he didn't want to level himself down. He needed to finally man up.

So his survival mode checks in. He pulls his cell phone out and dials 911 while checking his mother's vitals. Pulse is still there, and he has never been so thankful for that dull beating of the heart. He drops his face to hers, turning to look posterior and feel if her breath hits his cheek.

It does, but it's extremely shallow, maybe it's even nonexistent. Maybe he's just making up the idea that his mother is still alive. She's not that old, though, so is it even possible for her to have a heart attack or whatever this may be? Sure Burt is the same age and he had his heart attack last year, but he wasn't as healthy as his mother. His mom was into eating healthy and sure she didn't exercise like a freak and was a little _soft_, but she was still in pretty decent shape he'd say.

Everything that happened from the time he left his house and the time he arrived at the hospital was all one blur. They let him ride in the ambulance. That was probably the most frightening experience in the world for him. He had to sit back and watch the emergency team run around in the small vehicle trying to get his mother to be _alive _again. But the petite woman he's loved for the entire 18 years of his life just lie limp on the gurney, not moving nor doing anything.

Of all the times he's been scared his mother was there to comfort him. But she _can't _right now. And that makes him feel even more hopeless, anxious, _numb. _What if she was… what if she was gone… forever? What would that make him? What would he do?

When they get to the hospital, he hates it. He hates that everything is fucking white in this place. He hates how his shoes, no matter how smooth they are on the bottom, squeak on the white floors. He hates how the doctors are jerks and how the nurses are useless. He hates the _smell_. It's like death and he _hates _that that word, that action keeps showing up when he's under these circumstances.

He feels so shitty because he did this to his mother. She dropped because he was joining the military. Something she'd gone through already. It wasn't supposed to be like this. And his head is spinning and his stomach is churning and he's supposed to be sitting and reading an outdated paper like all the other patrons in the waiting room, but he can't. He stands up and hurls the contents of his stomach right on the white plastic chair in front of him. He feels no sympathy for the nurse that has to clean it up.

The phone call she had received had left her in nothing but a panicked state. The frantic crying, breathy gasping, pure agony she heard over the phone from her best friend Kurt was so painful to experience. And the information. The information that was so limited, so scarce, yet just enough for her to know that something was _seriously wrong_.

She doesn't know what time it is when she crawls out of bed. She had checked in early that night because tomorrow at eight in the morning she had her big _NYADA _audition with Carmen Tibideaux. The audition that would determine her stardom or not. So she needed to be on her A-game. She needed to have her proper amount of sleep.

_Rachel was on the verge of slipping into a deep sleep. She could still sense her surroundings; the light sound of the television on her dads' room, the 'tick-tock' of her clock, the soft wind rustling outside. It was all real, but she was almost there. That moment when exhaust inhales your entire being, holding it in for most of the night and allowing your brain to rest, to refresh. _

_But something interrupted her sleeping. Not only did she hear it, but she felt it. Sitting upright and pushing her sleeping mask to her forehead, she blindly felt around in her bed for her phone. The buzzing of the vibrate setting was erupting in her head and she was becoming pretty cranky that someone had the nerve to call her when she's trying to sleep. This sleeping was crucial right now and of all nights for someone to need her…_

"_What?" She snapped, rubbing her temple as a headache sprang upon her immediately._

"_R-Rachel," Kurt's voice chokes out violently. "Something b-bad happened. Something bad happened."_

_He was hysterical! Her heart hammered in her chest and she pulled the blankets away from her, now sitting on the edge of the bed._

"_Kurt, what's going on?" She frantically asked him._

"_It's… Carole… fainted… h-hospital… don't know how… not awake…" She barely caught these few phrases as he sobbed into the speaker, desperately trying to relay the message. _

"_I'm on my way."_

_She slammed her phone shut and jumped from bed, going to her closet and pulling out her grey and pink striped sweater, pulling the warm fabric over her head. She grabs a hair tie and tosses her hair up into a high ponytail, not caring that it's messy and not centered and just a crappy job on her appearance that she always worked so hard on. She decides she's wasting too much time and skips on putting a pair of actual pants on. Her floral pajama shorts will have to do. She doesn't have time to think about what this means, what might be happening. She just jumps in her car and speeds off to the hospital._

Maybe she's not in the right state to be driving at the moment, but how else is she going to get there? Her dads' must be scared out of their mind, but her phone is left on her bed where she haphazardly tossed it after her devastating conversation with Kurt. It wasn't a priority and honestly, neither was her dads'. Right now she was worried about one person and one person only; Carole Hudson.

Carole had been her mother for God's sake. When Rachel was growing up and needed to turn to a woman, Carole was the one she went to, the one she still goes to. There isn't a better woman, a stronger woman. Carole had gone through so much in her life, with having a child at eighteen. Not to mention while carrying the child and raising him, her first love off in war in the middle east. And then said lover dies in war, saving people's lives, and she's left to be a single mother for the next twelve years, give or take a few years, until she meets Burt.

She did everything justice. Finn turned out to be a real man when he didn't even have a father around. Carole was a perfect parent and a perfect mentor who will forever be cherished in Rachel's life.

So, don't sue Rachel for thinking negatively at the moment. With the little bits Kurt had told her had left her mind to wander to all the possibilities of how this started, how the outcome will turn out. And for some reason she has this dark feeling that washes through her entire system, seeping deep in her veins, that she's almost about to lose something, unfortunately _someone_, in her life. Someone that she cares deeply about. And that makes her sick to her stomach.

Blurred vision causes her to stumble down the hallways and she's sure about ten nurses or doctors or _whatever _stop her and ask her if she's okay. But she just keeps trekking through. And she gets to the waiting room where she sees the people she loves all piled in. Her glee friends, Burt, Kurt, and… and of course Finn.

A whimper escapes her mouth as Finn jumps and pulls her small body tightly against his. Her face is buried in the fabric of his shirt and she tries, _really tries_, to calm down. Inhaling shakily, the scent of Finn overwhelms her and she exhales just as uneven when a sad sob sounds out.

"Rachel," He breathes out against her strawberry scented hair. It's so calming but not enough right now. And to think once she finds out why… how… God, he's sick again.

He pulls away from her and runs to the waste basket they had given him since he had been puking pretty consistently in the past hour and a half. He clutches the plastic bin with his hands, feeling it bend, but he doesn't care if he ruins it. He feels a strong hand on his back and realizes Puck was patting him, trying to comfort him. Finn jerks his body up and walks out of the waiting room and goes to find a bathroom so he can rinse his mouth out again. When he comes back, the group has sucked Rachel in.

But she looks so… confused and vacant. He doesn't want to tell her what's going on. She doesn't need to know, does she? Apparently the rest think so too, or maybe they just aren't in the right state to tell her, because she still has useless information. He pulls her aside and sits with her on the opposite side of the waiting room.

"What's going on?" She asks fairly calmly. Although she still has a few tears, she's not crying like she was when she first came in. Her eyes are rimmed with a bright red and he's sure that his eyes are an exact match. Maybe his are worse.

"Rachel, Kurt shouldn't have called-."

"Shouldn't have called!" She explodes, standing up and looking down at him. Everyone's staring at them, and although he doesn't care about the people watching, he does care that she's angered and hurt. "I want to know what's going on!"

And then she breaks again.

"Just tell me," She cries, her hands covering her face and he squeezes his eyes shut and pulls her into his embrace again, this time having her curl up on his lap.

"My mom fainted. We don't really know much else except that she's in critical condition and hasn't woken up yet."

"W-What does that mean?" Her voice wavers with tears. Before she finishes what her question is, she presses her face into his neck and he feels the wetness and can taste the saltiness as he presses a kiss against her face. "What, is she comatose?"

He sucks in his breath quickly, sharply. Comatose. His mother could possibly be in a coma. The guilt that he wore was so, so damn strong and with Rachel here he feels even shittier. What the hell is happening? He didn't ask for this, for this to happen.

"They don't-."

"Um, the Hummel family?"

A doctor stepped out into the waiting room with a fucking white coat, _of course_, and a white clipboard, interrupting Finn's sentence. Finn stands up with Rachel clinging on to him. She lets her legs go to the floor but keeps her arms wrapped around his midsection as she walks with him. From the other side of the room Burt and Kurt walk together, holding each other's hands desperately.

Although Rachel isn't a Hummel, she's damn close enough and if the doctor had a problem with it he'd be pulling his white clipboard out of his damn ass. Fortunately for the doctor, Dr. Smith (real original name, doc.), he didn't question who was and who wasn't a part of the intermediate family.

"Hi guys. We have a few updates on Carole. She's alive. You already knew that, I'm assuming, but I just really want you guys to understand that. And she's awake. But that doesn't mean she's _responsive _right now. We'll allow you guys to go in the room and see her. But do not ask any serious questions or anything. We're not sure if she can handle it right now. You may go ahead to the room."

Finn turns around with Rachel still attached to his body. He wraps an arm around her frame, drawing her closer to his body if that was even possible. He tries to steal some of her warmth, gain some of her strength, but to be honest… she has neither of those things right now. She's just as weak as he.

They cross the threshold into the hospital room and he crumbles when he sees his mother. She's as fragile as a bird with a broken wing.

"Finn," She breathes out and tears well up in her eyes. "Don't do this to me."

Her face is as pale as the damn white pigment that this hospital is.

The doctor told them to avoid heavy discussions because he wasn't sure if she could handle it. Apparently she can handle it. Burt makes sure to keep asking her if she's feeling alright, if she's willing to keep up this conversation, to get into it. Kurt doesn't know about his plans, and of course Rachel doesn't.

But here it comes.

"For you to even _think _that this is an okay thing to do Finn is absolutely… outrageous," Her voice, weak, comes out in an even tone. It doesn't sound harsh or disapproving. Almost monotone. And that's even scarier than her usual changes in pitch.

Finn looks down to the floor, quickly stealing a glance to Rachel. She was sitting in the corner of the room by herself. Burt was sitting on the edge of the bed by Carole and Kurt stood on the opposite side holding his step mother's hand. Finn himself stands at the foot of the bed, shuffling back and forth from his right foot to his left foot.

But when he looked back at Rachel for a fraction of a second, he felt shameful. She was about to find out. She was figuring it out. Sure she looked as confused as hell, but she also looked hurt. Like she knew something bad was going to happen. Rachel was like that, always sort of aware of what might happen in the future. It's weird. And makes him extremely nervous.

"The risk that you're taking… Finn, you can't do this to me," Carole looks at him with eyes darkened, a thick shield of tears over her lens.

That's almost enough to make him want to back down from it all. His mother… she says that he can't do this to her. It'd be a total jerk move, wouldn't it? To have her worry every day he's gone, and possibly leaving her with yet another man she loved deeply dead. _Could_ he do that to her?

But then he feels something he's never felt before surge through his body. He feels _empowered_. In charge of the situation. Because he knows that this is what he wants for his life, for himself. Even if it means his mother being unhappy, upset. He needs to start doing things for himself now.

"I need to do this mom. And I'm really sorry, but there's nothing you could do that can make me back down. Do you understand?"

His voice is strong and stern and it has thick finality in it, which caused Rachel to gasp really loudly. Maybe she's figured it out? Maybe she's just frightened by this 'new' Finn. These new actions he's performing.

"No!" His mother practically screams. "You are _**not **_enlisting in the Army!"

Finn's hand runs through his thick hair in frustration, quickly turning around to see Rachel, to judge her reaction and to comfort her. He expected her to break down and cry, to beg him to not leave like his mother. Maybe even faint like his mother did (hopefully not, though).

However, neither of those things happened. She didn't have tears in her eyes. She didn't look shocked. She looked… unsettled. Out of her body or something strange like that, which was probably scarier than watching his mother close to what he thought was death. She stands up at her full five feet, two inches and walks out of the hospital room. Doesn't run. Doesn't charge forward. Just casually strolls out of the room.

Carole weeps into Burt's arms and Kurt curls up on a chair to hide himself from reality, from what he's had to face so far tonight. Finn glances at the clock on the wall. It's one in the morning.

He waits ten minutes before going after her.

"Rachel!" Finn yells after her, easily catching up with her. One of his strides is at least five of her own when he runs. She's still walking at the same pace she was when she left the hospital room. Her eyes sting wildly and her throat is dry and refuses to stretch for her to speak. She wants so badly to turn around and look at Finn, tell him to go to hell or something very terrible in the same manner. But she can't. Her body won't allow her to, apparently. Instead, it just sends her on and on… walking walking walking.

He forces her body to stop moving. When his strong hand cups her forearm and holds her sternly in place, she squirms around trying to break free. She doesn't look at his face, instead focuses on the hard, stiff fingers pressing into her soft flesh. It hurts. What if he leaves bruises? She starts to struggle more and a scream rips from her throat, causing him to quickly let go and step away.

"You're hurting me," She growls angrily. Should she be angry right now? Upset, confused, yes. But angry? She's not sure. But she is. Her eyes finally reach his face and her lips turn down viciously in this grimace.

Damn his calm face. He looks so casual as if this were perfectly normal. As if she had someone she loved leave her before. Not just leave her; go to _war_ and _die on her_.

The ferocity bubbles behind her eyes and she tries to wane the dark red she sees but she can't.

"You're being selfish."

She spins around again and walks to her car. He follows her again.

"Rachel, come on," Finn leans against her car door, blocking her out of the vehicle. "Don't run away from this. Talk to me."

"I have nothing to say to you, Finnegan," Rachel's voice is stiff and straight. The coldness practically exudes off her body and he shivers instinctively.

"Yes you do. I know you do. You just found out that when you leave for New York I'll be going to boot camp, then probably sent off to the middle east. You just found out that I'll be a soldier," He pours out, trying to stir up her emotions, trying to get her to just vent it all out. "That I have a pretty much _guarantee _of death. You have something to say, and I know you do!"

His voice is loud in her ears and it's very dark outside which makes her feel very timid and small. She knows he wouldn't hurt her, physically at least, but that doesn't stop her from feeling threatened.

Rachel swallows thickly, wishing she had a cup of water or something right now, staring deeply into his eyes, or where his eyes should be as it's too dark to see his amber irises.

"You're being selfish," The words tumble out. "You're being so _God damn selfish_ and I'm ashamed of you. Most of all disappointed. What the hell are you thinking?"

Her voice is now officially a shriek and she feels sick all over. Her head throbs and her stomach churns. She feels an unfamiliar burn in her limbs, ache in her bones.

"I need to do this for my dad, Rachel. I'm running out of options here, anyways. I refuse to become a mechanic at Burt's Tire Shop," Finn barks at her.

"If you're afraid of being stuck here then… then come with me to New York!" Rachel shoots back hysterically, tears now welling up in her beautiful chocolate colored eyes. Her eyes hurt and she doesn't want to cry again, but do you blame her right now? It's been such an emotional night and she's so, so _tired_.

"I can't do that," His voice is soft.

"Why not? We can live in a shoe-box apartment together. It could be… It could be perfect for us," She leans forward, clutching onto his grey cotton shirt with all her might. Her face drops to the fabric and she remembers not too long ago she was doing the same thing, when she was crying over Carole about what was happening. But this time it was different. It was worse on so many levels and she was so desperate for him to not leave her.

She feels like a hypocrite, though too, because isn't this what she was doing with him? Going to New York without him and moving on with her own future without him? So what's the big deal with him doing the same?

_No, _Rachel thinksas she clutches his shirt, twisting it in her small hands, _this is different. Finn is going to be shot at by foreigners, he'll be on their hate list! This is totally different._

"Don't leave me, oh my God, don't leave me," Her cries stab a rusty knife in his heart and twist tightly. This is by far worse than anything he's ever experienced. Anything that was remotely close to him being sad or him comforting a sad person. She's truly devastated, messed up, and it was all his fault.

He'll take the blame but he's not going to back down from this. However, for the time being, he'd have to walk on eggshells. He'd have to lay off on the Army stuff, leave her out of as much as possible. For her own safety, of course. Because by the looks of it, how she's taking just finding out that he's _enlisting_… he knows that it won't end well. Especially when she finds out he's being sent overseas.

"Live with me in New York," Rachel pleads, begs, over and over and over and over.

He can't go to New York with her. He can't drag her down and take her away from what she can, what she will, surmount to be. He won't come in and be a nuisance while she tries to make it big. When she tries to fulfill that dream she had since she could walk, that dream of Broadway.

"No," Finn tells her over and over and over and over, begging her and pleading her to stop making this harder than it has to be.

She slaps him sharply in the face when he says that.

"Harder than it has to be? Fuck you!"

Yes, she even used some very vulgar, very colorful expletives.

It's an hour later, two in the morning, when they move into her car. Another hour of her crying and explaining to him how dumb this is, how he's making a huge mistake and he'll regret it and he could easily get out of it by just going to New York with her, before he gets a black eye and a boot out of her car because she can't deal with this right now. At three in the morning she peels out of the parking lot.

"_You'll still be a hero! You don't have to join the Army to do that," Rachel choked out._

"_Rachel, would you try to fucking understand!" He exploded. "I don't have anything going for me right now! This is my chance to make up for my shitty slacking years in high school. How the fuck do you not understand that?"_

"_Because you do have things going for you right now! You've got me! You say so yourself, all the time, that I'm what is special in your life. If you would just give it a chance, you could come to the city with me-."_

"_And do what?" He looks at her, livid. "Wait on you while you're out being successful? Be a fucking bum ass collecting welfare and food stamps and shit? Is that what you want!_

"_Get out of my car," She quietly says, dropping her head down to her steering wheel. _

_He looks at her with burning eyes, trying to find a way to calm himself down, to not be such a jack ass about this because, really, he is being such a douche right now. She has every right to be trying to talk him out of this decision he made for his future. But he can't stand it anymore. _

"_I said get out of my car," Her voice is dangerous._

"_Rach, please-."_

"_GET OUT OF MY FUCKING CAR, FINN!" She screams, reaching for something to throw at him. A hairbrush is what she finds and she chucks it at him, hitting him right under the eye. _

"_Ah," He groans as the pain seeps deep in. He's afraid to open his eye, afraid that he'll find out that he's now blind or something because holy shit that hurt like a son of a…_

"_GO!" She weeps, interrupting his pain process._

_He's scared that she'll get in an accident, but reluctantly gets out of her car. He's barely shutting the door when she backs out of the parking spot and drives off to who knows where. Hopefully home. _

He stumbles blindly back into the hospital and that stupid constant countdown in his head flashes obnoxiously in his mind. He has three months and two weeks before he and Rachel are torn apart. His mother is asleep when he gets back and Burt is sleeping on a cot that the hospital set up for him. A nurse rushes to him when she sees him clutching his face where his eye is and ends up getting him an icepack and a pain med, which makes him feel dizzy. She wants him to lie down in his mother's room since she can't let him stay in his own room but he doesn't want to and goes to the waiting room where he plans on sleeping.

Kurt is there with Mercedes. Mercedes Jones was Kurt's best friend, aside from Rachel. But Rachel and Kurt were too much like twins, which got on both of their nerves, so they needed someone else to be a mashing opposite. Kurt had Mercedes and Rachel had Finn.

The rest of the glee club had gone home, apparently. He wonders if they heard he and Rachel arguing. Had to of… they were as loud as heck.

Kurt eyes him skeptically as Finn throws himself in a chair next to the two.

"If you're going to give me shit about being in the Army, can it. I don't want to deal with it right now," He snaps.

"No, I wasn't going to. I was just going to say… I'm proud of you, Finn."

Finn's head turns so quickly he gets a minor case of whiplash and winces as the soft burn in his neck muscles.

"What?" He questions.

"You're doing what you want to do. You have good reasons and I think you'll be a great soldier. And although it kills me to think that you could… you could _die_, I still am going to support your decision no matter what."

"Wow, man, thanks."

And that's why Kurt will forever be his brother from another mother. Because even though Kurt used to have a total crush on Finn, and even though Finn used to bully the shit out of him, they were able to throw it all away and come together to be a family.

Honestly, what Kurt did right there, what he said… it was enough to give Finn the strength to go through with this. There are no more doubts. He was sending in his 'application' and would be ready for basic training when the end of the summer comes. Whether his mother and best friend liked it or not.

**A/N: **I had a really hard time writing this chapter because it's so devastating when you find out that the person you love is going to be a part of the military. The season finale just was such a tear jerker… this was my incorporation. Next chapter will be just Rachel's POV, then after that… wowza. Drama is on its way!


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Please be kind and leave a comment! It takes only a few seconds of your time, I promise. PS, this is pretty short, but hopefully you understand why. If I elongated it, it'd be too much, I think, and very repetitive.

6.

Rachel woke up at six in the morning. In her head, she does the math. She got home around three. She cried until four. She woke up at six. Two hours of something that she would hardly consider 'sleep'. It was more of this hazy numbness of her just lying there with her eyes closed. Oh, and she had that one hour of light sleep _before _everything happened. That was nice. Sitting in the warm sudsy water to start her morning bath, she relishes in what that one hour was like for her. No worries, no broken hearts, no stress… Her life was perfect in that hour, even though it wasn't the best sleep ever, and she cherished that she could count that as rest.

Well, sort of. She's sure all her energy from that went into crying and being hysterical about Carole and Finn.

By seven in the morning Rachel was out of the tub. She ended up having a small nap in the tub, which is extremely dangerous but definitely was worth it. However Rachel is now paying for the side effects of this. The water had gotten very cold and chills dance up and down her body. Her skin had softened and she looked like a prune. She only had an hour to get to the school and that left her with no time to eat breakfast.

Getting dressed, she pulls on a little black dress she had recently bought specifically for this audition. It was classic and she thought it was her best bet fashion wise. Her feet slip perfectly into a pair of nude pink heels that would match the pearl necklace dangling on her dainty frame.

When she gets back to her bathroom she nearly screams when she looks into the mirror. Who is this girl looking back at her? The one who looks unhealthy and… _scary_. Dark circles rim under her eyes that are bloodshot. Pale pigments wash out her complexion. It was something she had never seen before in herself.

Concealer and foundation cake onto her skin and she feels like she looks back to normal thirty minutes later. She grabs her sheet music with copies for the band members and hurries downstairs to the kitchen. Rachel has no time to get food, but she needs to grab a water bottle. A note is on the fridge, left from her fathers'.

_Good luck, Rachy! We know you'll do great, princess. We love you no matter what. Go forward and shine as bright as the stars in the sky. See you when we get back from Chicago. _

_Love,_

_Dad and Daddy_

Rachel can't help but sigh deeply. Her dads' are on a business trip, which means they'll be gone for at least a week. She really needed them right now, too. Who else was she to turn to? Finn was obviously crossed off the list, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to test the waters with Kurt right now. He was probably as fragile about this as she. Apparently her dads' didn't notice her leaving last night. They were probably sleeping already when she pulled out, and definitely sleeping when she pulled back in.

It had been such a late night. Her head is foggy and her vision is blurry. She tries really hard to stay awake when she gets in her car and starts driving. Memories of last night flush through her mind.

Her desperate pleas echo loudly, her screaming resonates deeply, her crying vibrates slowly. She remembers asking him to go to New York with her. She remembers him denying the offer. She remembers him telling her that he needed to be in the army, trying to _justify _his actions. She remembers him telling her that she needed to stop over reacting. She remembers screams that were directed at him, foul language, and dirty looks too. She remembers chucking an object, her rhinestone encrusted hair brush, at him. Not at his face, where it hit, but at him in general. She was just this ball of energy and hurt and pain.

For some reason she feels that today is not a good day to be facing this important audition. It's bad timing and the odds are definitely stacked high against her, unfortunately. But what was she supposed to do about it? Cry and beg Carmen to assign her a different audition time? That'd be completely juvenile and unprofessional. She didn't want to jeopardize her chances even though they were slim.

Whether a heart attack or a heart break, the show must go on.

_The show must go on. _

When she arrives at school she's only five minutes early. She's hardly able to hand the music to the band before she's called to the stage. Rachel strolls out to center stage, feeling the spotlight warming up her body temperature. A brilliant smile spreads across her face as she adjusts her vision to the light, allowing her to look into the audience. No one is here, much to her relief. She really doesn't think that if Finn were here she'd be able to do it.

Carmen is sitting in the center of all the chairs and she hasn't even looked up from her paper in which she's furiously scribbling notes down. Notes about _Rachel_. How can she even write anything yet? She hasn't even looked at Rachel, heard her perform, _nothing _and she already has stuff to say.

Rachel clears her throat softly and starts to speak.

"Hello, I'm Rachel Barbra Berry and I will be singing Defying Gravity from the musical _Wicked_."

She hates how her voice is a little too nasally at the moment and hopes that it doesn't sound while she's singing. Her hands start to sweat and she wipes them discreetly on her dress. Carmen has yet to look up at her. The band starts anyways.

"Something has changed within me,

Something is not the same.

I'm through with playing

By the rules of someone else's game.

Too late for second guessing,

Too late to go back to sleep.

It's time to trust my instincts,

Close my eyes and leap!

It's time to try defying gravity.

I think I'll try defying gravity,

And close my eyes and leap!"

Her body jerks at what just happened. Jaw dropped, flushed face, racing heart. What did she just do? She did not just flop a lyric!

Carmen finally looks up with a pestered expression on her face, which makes Rachel even more nervous.

"I-I'm so, so sorry. That never… that never happens. Let me just… let me just start from the beginning," Rachel quickly explains.

Carmen looks at her with a hard expression and Rachel turns her back and looks at the band, nodding to them.

"Just start again," She quietly commands.

They look around with wide eyes, surprise clearly written on their faces. Rachel Berry never messes up a song! And if she did, it'd be because she hit a flat note or something. But never, ever has she messed up a lyric. It's such an amateur mistake.

The piano cues her start again and she spins around to face the audience. She's never felt so nervous in her life, in front of just one person. For glee club she's performed in front of the entire school, the entire judgmental population of peers she faces every day and hadn't felt a twinge of being on the edge of a breakdown like now.

Like now, where this can determine the outcome of her future. If she doesn't push herself back to her grade A talent in this second, everything is totally-.

"Something has changed within me,

Something is not the…

Is not the s-same."

Her eyes squeeze shut and she clears her throat, trying to shake it all out, to fix this. What is she doing? How is she stumbling over the words, how is she even… how could this happen to her? Her apologies start to fly from her mouth, making her seem even more foolish, but she had to. She had to give it another shot.

"I am so, so sorry. But I can do it again," Rachel repeats. "I will start again and I promise I will-."

"No."

"E-excuse me?" Rachel looks at Carmen in the audience.

Her breath hitched in her throat and she tried desperately to gulp down the blockage. Is this real? Is this real life? Is this honestly happening to her at this moment?

The older woman closes her notebook and leans back in the chair. The dark expression on her face was enough confirmation for what was about to happen.

"I said no. You're allotted eight bars, I gave you sixteen. If this were to happen in the real world, in the Broadway world, they'd be handing your role to your understudy. I don't have time for this."

There was something in her tone of voice that gave the entire situation finality. She was ending this entire audition. Carmen doesn't have time for this. Desperation overcame Rachel as she tried and tried to reverse the flop this morning has been.

"But… please just listen!" Rachel feels the tears springing in her eyes. "Please, please wait. Just give me one more chance!"

She blew her chance! What the hell, how the hell…? Her head throbs with pain and she's just going through too much right now. She was in no state to be auditioning. But in real life you have to push those things aside. And she couldn't.

Carmen had gotten out of her seat and left the auditorium, not even cracking the slightest bit to sympathize for the broken girl on stage. Rachel falls to her knees and starts to bawl. One of the band members attempts to approach her but she just yells at him to leave her alone and they all scamper off with their instruments. They're probably mad that they only got to play for about thirty seconds. She had made sure that they cleared their schedule for this moment, and they did just for her. Now what?

She's such a _loser_. All these years in high school, even middle school, she was the target of constant bullying. They called her terrible things, like Man Hands, Ru Paul, etc. It was consistent and annoying. Her life had been this huge hell hole in which everyone assumed she wouldn't be getting out. But the joke was really on them. The only thing that got Rachel through it all, the reason why she kept her head up high when slushies' were tossed in her face or when they stared at her and laughed like she was abnormal, was the fact that they were all going to be stuck in Lima doing shitty dead end jobs while she shone like a star with fame and fortune. She would be something and they would be nothing.

That's how it's supposed to work, right? Like, in the movies, didn't the underdog _always _win in life? After years of struggling, she was supposed to have this big breaking moment in which she'd be a superstar, one that will never burn out. She was supposed to get the handsome boyfriend, the popularity, the perfect future career plan. It's supposed to be like that! But right now… after that audition… She wouldn't be surprised if they kicked her out of the school in general because of that. Why would they waste their time on someone who couldn't even remember the lyrics to a song?

She lies there on the shiny black stage floor for a while, just crying her eyes out, wishing that she would just die. What's the point anymore? With Carole sick, Finn going to war, and her future now a shaky item, there truly was no point. Why move on, why try anymore? It wasn't worth the pain and suffering, it never would be.

Rachel regrets the last eighteen years of her life. What does she have to show for it? Sure she won numerous dance and singing competitions, but… what does that matter? At least the people who would be stuck in Lima would have pictures to show their children of their friends in high school. They would have memories, good fun memories of living their lives. She has none of that.

Well, she did make memories with Finn and Kurt. And sure the glee club said they were her friends, but… she doubted that constantly. With Santana's mean remarks about her, Quinn's constant criticism, and the group as a whole being snappy with her, blaming their bad attitudes on her actions, she always thought that they just pretended they liked her when teachers or other adult figures were around.

She would forever be nothing in their minds. And if they did remember her presence, it'd be a negative reflection on the annoying Jewish girl with two gay dads'. Her life was nothing. Being the conceited person she was her entire life was a big mistake because look how it turned out in the end.

Getting up, Rachel stumbles off stage and out of the school entirely. Somehow she makes it to her car. Pulling out, she speeds off back home. Her thoughts are scaring her, yet she has to agree with them because they are what _she's _thinking. Swarming ideas of ways to kill herself attack her completely, causing her to weep harder than she did a while ago. Sure things were tough, but that didn't mean she had to be… _suicidal_.

Back in her home she drops down onto the couch and buries her face in a brown suede pillow. She's matting down the fabric with her wet tears and hot breath. A scream rips from her vocal chords, desperate to relieve some of the emotions that she's feeling right now. She has no one at this moment, and she knows exactly who she wants.

Finn.

Finn would make this better, make her feel better. Get her to realize that this is not the end of the world. Make her never doubt her existence here on earth, scare away those thoughts of death and pain and torture and _failure_. Remind her that things are going to get better, that this fluke isn't going to mean anything in the long run. That she was worth something.

Her heart ached strongly, the throbbing pain almost unbearable. Finn wouldn't be coming over today. Probably not for a long time. She'd just have to deal with that, accept that. For now she'd just have to lay low, fly by without being noticed. It'd be the best for her reputation.

God, once the kids find out at school she is so screwed.

But on the brighter side, graduation would be coming up just in a couple weeks, so she didn't have a long time left with the bullies. She could graduate, in honors, at the top of her class and be gone. Escape from everyone and everything.

_If only it were possible to escape from yourself…_

_**A/N PS: **__I'm trying to make it so I will update every Tuesday night sometime. I hope I can keep up with this plan. I must pre-write the next few chapters because I have a summer part time job and will be leaving soon for vacation (yay:)). But I promise while I'm gone I will make up to you by posting two chapters before I leave or two chapters after I come back. It's a little down the road. I'll keep you posted ;)_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **It's been forever, but please understand. I don't want to tell you guys the exact situation I'm in, but there has been a tragedy within my immediate family. I wasn't even going to finish any of my fics, but then I reminded myself that writing is what I do, my outlet. So this chapter is inspired by all the anger, frustration, and deep sadness I've been feeling. There really is no correlation or anything, but those feelings did give me the power to write this and post this. Thank you for understanding. I don't know when I'll be updating anymore, just whenever. I try to keep it steady by I don't know what will be happening a week or a month from now. Please stay with my fics! Sorry if this chapter sucks, btw.

7.

Finn was lying down on the couch in the basement to be away from his family. He has no idea how his mom is doing right now. She was released from the hospital yesterday. He hasn't seen her since he went in with Rachel. He doesn't _want_ to see her. Not yet.

Finn is torn. Maybe being an adult is actually very hard. He remembers parents always telling him that as a kid. _"Things get tougher when you grow up and become an adult." _Right. He never believed that one. He thought being an adult meant freedom from everything and everyone. It was always something he had looked forward to.

But now he's wishing he could go back in time. A good spot for him would be eighth grade. He and Rachel were already declared 'friend-mates' (in his mind at least). Rachel was turning into a very pretty teenager. Of course Quinn Fabray was the prettiest through his eyes and he had a total crush on the blonde, but that didn't stop the reality of his best friend. Her dark hair had been cut to her shoulders and she would have it hang in loose curls. Her bangs were grown out fairly long by then, too, pushed to one side and framing her face. She wore mascara and a very light pink lip gloss on her plump lips. When she smiled everything just lit up. Her body was still oddly short and small, but her waist was starting to dip in and her hips were starting to jut out. Not to mention the slight development of boobs.

Other than Rachel's body taking a change, his was too. Really the only difference was that he was now 5'9 and a half, the oaf of his class. He was teased but was popular too, so people gave him respect.

Anyways, eighth grade was a good year. Not only because of the developing bodies but also because of the events. He was quarterback of the middle school football team all year. No more upperclassmen to take over his position. Plus he had never looked appealing to the coaches before since he was the runt of the litter. Their team almost made it to state, if it weren't for Karafsky making a nasty fumble at the regionals game. He was so close to making a touchdown. Dave got some heat because of that.

Quinn Fabray as well as many other girls totally had their eyes on him. He never accepted any dates trying to be hard to catch (and because his mom wouldn't let him go out with a girl until he was in high school), but they followed him with rosy cheeks and puckered lips. Rachel always found that to be the most annoying thing ever.

"_I get it; you're extremely good looking. But does that mean they have to follow you around with their tongues hanging from their mouths?" She exasperatedly said at the lunch table._

"_You think I'm hot?" He grinned, teasing her. _

People were pretty chill with Finn hanging out with Rachel then, too. It wasn't until freshman year when they started being mean to her. Finn still thinks (knows) to this day that they only bully Rachel because she's an easy target. Rachel doesn't like to fight with people. People she doesn't know at least. They can attack her with their words and she'll bite her tongue and let them go. Her self-esteem was the most fragile thing in the world. That's why he always tried to build it up by making her feel good. Plus, it wasn't that hard to compliment her since she was so perfect.

Freshman year had gone by pretty slowly. He struggled in his classes, but with the help of Rachel, maintained a C average report card which his mother approved of. He had a hard time getting the football coaches to look at him again since the seniors were outshining him. The girls that once followed him found some upperclassmen to hit on and he was just a guy. Of course he was still popular in his grade. But in the entirety of the high school he was just fresh-meat.

Sophomore year was the best, really, but the worst too. It was the best because he experienced so much on his own. Finn became super popular. Finn was the quarterback of the high school football team. It wasn't just football that he shone in though. Basketball and baseball were very strong suits of his as well, and he was even the team captain of the baseball team. With his athleticism came tons of friends and tons of girls who wanted to be with him. He got his driver's license at the beginning of the school year and had full permission to take girls out on dates. And the first girl he got to take out?

Quinn Fabray. The smoking hot blonde Cheerio. If you could see the new cheerleading uniforms Coach Sylvester had ordered for the Cheerios that year, you would cream your pants. Those skirts were like crunchy toast and he could practically see the girls' ovaries when they bent over in them.

Quinn was on her way to stardom in the school too. She was captain of the Cheerios and super-hot so she pretty much was given popularity. He went out on a date with her and they ended up becoming a couple. The power couple, after about a month or two of dating.

While all this was happening, Finn was trying to hold onto his relationship with Rachel. But the thing was… Quinn didn't like him spending time with _"man hands" _and Rachel didn't approve of his relationship with _"Barbie"_. In the end, he made the decision to dump Quinn because Rachel was way cooler and understood him. He never told anyone besides Rachel, but he actually did care about feelings and stuff. He liked when people supported him, believed in him, and encouraged him. Rachel did those things daily (up until recent events at least) whereas Quinn always was putting him down. She constantly reminded him of how stupid he is and how he would never make it out of Lima.

Of course he knew those things himself. Having someone point it out consistently just made reality even shittier.

While he chose Rachel's friendship over being a couple with the hottest, most popular girl at school, that didn't mean that Rachel chose him over _herself_. He had spent so much time with Quinn and popularity that five months of the school year had passed. Finn hardly knew what Rachel was up to in any depth, which is unusual for them since they knew everything there is to know in their lives. He had blown her off too many times and she was hesitant to pick things back up where they had left off.

Rachel was the most passionate, determined girl he knew. As soon as one of her projects checked out (i.e. Finn) she picked up another one. She decided to restart the high school Glee Club, focus on her future Broadway career and school studies to get there, and even found herself a boyfriend.

Finn was totally cool with all of that, with one exception. The Glee Club turned out to be a huge success. Look at them their senior year of high school; the team has a mixture of popular kids and labeled 'losers'; an awesome advisor and musical genius, Mr. Schuester; three sectionals trophies, two regionals trophies, and a pending nationals trophy; and it gave Rachel, and other not so popular members, friends. Rachel's dedication to becoming the valedictorian of their class to increase the appeal from the big New York colleges she was to apply to senior year had turned out in her favor as she did get the position as well as many academic scholarships. She invested a lot of time in vocal and dance lessons and by the summer of sophomore year she was singing better than she ever had.

But she got a boyfriend. A real grade-A douchebag. Jesse St. James was a senior at Carmel High, a school forty five minutes from William McKinley High. He was the captain of their glee club and had won their team, Vocal Adrenaline, three national championships, almost four. He wasn't the brightest kid when it came to common sense or books, but when you talked about music and dance he knew everything there was to know.

He too, like Rachel, wanted nothing more than to be a star and would heading to _UCLA _after his graduation to get there. Rachel was absolutely head over heels in love with this guy while he showed little interest in her whatsoever. But after WMHS glee club performed at Regionals against Vocal Adrenaline (and lost), Jesse pulled aside the loud singing petite brunette and asked her out.

Finn can remember when Rachel told him about all of this, too.

"_He said, and I quote exactly right now, 'You're decent. Let's go out,'" She squealed excitedly, "So direct, right? It's incredibly appealing to my interests!"_

_Finn rolled his eyes, "I don't like him."_

"_Well I didn't like Quinn, and that didn't stop you from dating her for all that time," Rachel huffed._

"_But that was-."_

"_No different than me going out with Jesse," She interrupts. "Well, it kind of is I guess. Because Jesse actually cares about me. And I won't just ditch you to make out with him under the bleachers after football games."_

_He sucks in his breath, "I apologized for that. You don't need to drag it up all the time."_

"_Whatever," She shakes her head. "Finn, if you're not going to respect my decisions to date whomever I want, then this really isn't going to happen again between you and me. I miss the old you. The guy who wasn't always looking around to see if people were watching him talk to the unpopular hobbit."_

"_I really regret all of this year, Rachel. I just… I let my reputation become the only reason to live. I didn't have any sense of direction this year," He explains._

"_I could have been the guide," Rachel softly offers with sad eyes._

"_Look, I'm sorry. I'm incredibly sorry and I will not let you down anymore when it comes to us, okay? I promise you that I will try to get things back to the way they were. And if they can't go back to the way they were, I'm willing to change and transition into a new version of our friendship. I'm willing to do anything for us to be friends."_

"_Even if it means you have to accept me dating Jesse?"_

"_I don't even know the guy at all, and so far by what you've said he doesn't really sound someone I'd get along with. Maybe because this is your first boyfriend-boyfriend or whatever, but… yes. I accept the fact that you are dating Jesse."_

_She smiles so brightly and lunges herself into his arms, finding that the hug isn't awkward like all the others they've shared recently. She's fitting in his embrace just like it used to and it's warm and comfortable and… this will be good. This will be good for them. He can just feel it._

Obviously things turned out for the better for them. Jesse broke her heart during the summer (_shocker_) and Finn had avenged his best friend by punching the guys face a few times. Junior year ran smoothly for them friendship wise. People left them alone. Of course there was the occasional bully, but Rachel could handle that. Finn joined glee club and turns out he's a pretty good singer and yeah, he's played the drums for like ever, so he was kind of thought to be musically inclined. He became the lead next to Rachel for big competitions, and although they didn't win nationals that year, or placed for that matter, they at least made it there to perform.

So maybe junior year would be a good year to go back to. But still… being a kid is still way more appealing to him. Because sure last year rocked, but it was also a time to think of what to do with the future. And of course Rachel was already talking about New York colleges and he was sort of just hoping he'd graduate and get a decent job he could survive with.

If he could live a life where he didn't have to worry about doing anything but have fun and feel _young_, everything would be perfect. It'd just be him, his family, Rachel, and his friends. There wouldn't be any talk of colleges and tests and shit like that. It'd just be 'let's go to the lake' or 'let's throw a party and have a super fun time together'.

But that stuff doesn't just happen, unfortunately. Because when you grow up your priorities change from having fun to paying bills and crap like that.

Finn's head hurts like a bitch and his eye that is perfectly bruised from that hairbrush stunt Rachel pulled is throbbing wildly. He doesn't even want to think of going back to school tomorrow. He doesn't want to face Rachel, he doesn't want to have to worry about all of this crap anymore.

He just wants to stop wasting his time he has left with his best friend.

When Finn arrived at school that dreary Monday morning, he expected Rachel to be standing at his locker, ready to argue with him some more. However, she wasn't there, nor was she at her locker. When he got to his study hall he has with her during third period and she was nowhere to be found, he didn't think anything of it. She probably just skipped today because she herself was having a hard time.

So he waited until tomorrow to see her. And even though he knew there'd be a lot of shit that had to be said, he still was anxious to see her. But she wasn't there. And on Wednesday she didn't show up either.

Finn was starting to get seriously worried. Rachel never missed school, _never_. So that night at dinner he asked his brother.

"Have you talked to Rachel recently?" He questions seriously.

A strange look appeared on Kurt's face and he quickly shook his head an looked down at the meatloaf his mom had made.

"No, I haven't... why?"

"Okay, obviously you have," Finn rolls his eyes. "Just… what's wrong? Where has she been?"

"I don't know, Finn," Kurt looks up with wide eyes.

"God damn it, Kurt!" Finn explodes, dropping his fork onto his plate and standing up so fast the chair he had been sitting in toppled back and fell to the floor.

"Finnegan!" His mother gasped.

"Just leave me alone, all of you!" Finn outbursts, kicking the chair out of his way and making his way to his bedroom. His stupid fucking cowboy wallpaper clad bedroom where his head hits the ceiling at certain points and his feet hang off his bed at all times.

He throws himself down on his bed and kicks his shoes off, letting them fall to the floor directly below where his feet hovered in the air. Finn was just so… so frustrated that this was happening. He wanted to know that his mother was safe, he wanted to know that Rachel was safe, he just wanted everyone to be good, but no one is.

"Finn," A soft voice comes from his closed door. Damn walls are paper thin. A knock follows and then the voice says, "please let me come in."

"Okay," He says to his mother.

Carole walks in the room and sits down on the chair by his desk. His screensaver is currently playing all the photos he had on his computer. After a photo of some Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model flashes by, a photo of his family and Rachel appears and he just breaks down. Like, tears are literally pouring from his eyes and he feels like his body is going to just… just break down or something.

"Oh, baby, shh, it's alright, it's alright," Carole soothes, coming over to his bed and sitting down on the edge so she can rub his back gently.

"Everyone is upset with me and I just feel so shitty," He murmurs into his pillow.

"No one is upset with you," Carole argues.

"Yeah you are, don't lie. You told me how disappointed you are in me and that you don't approve of the choices I'm making-."

"I was just sad, Finn. I said those things because I was sad. You're my baby and I don't even want to think of you… of you being in the position your father was in, you know? I lost one love off in war, I can't lose another. But I understand why you want to do this, Finn. I understand that you're doing this to honor him. And honestly this may be the best option for you. You can take college courses while you're there and then when you're done you can get a job that you love here. I… I actually think it's a great plan," She admits.

Finn turns his face away from the pillow, sniffling at the runny nose he had and blinking at the tear filled eyes.

"You do?"

"Yes, sweetheart. And it's a great risk and I know that things could… they could end badly, but… but if this is what you want to do, this is what you will do. And I promise you that I will be so proud of you every day and every night for your devotion to this country."

The soft sincerity in his mother's voice causes him to feel like things might work out fine. That this sucks, sure, but… it'll get better.

"Rachel…" He sighs, reminding himself of his next issue.

"She's hurting right now, Finn, understand that. When your father told me he was going to be enlisting I was exactly like her. An emotional wreck," Carole explains.

"Yeah, but Rachel's not like my fiancé or anything like dad was to you," Finn argues.

"You love Rachel, right?" Carole asks.

"Of course."

"It still hurts. Doesn't matter if it's friendship love or romantically involved love. It still hurts when a loved one goes."

He lies back down, letting this sink in. He never thought of how bad he'd feel if Rachel left. Well, like left for war or something. Obviously she was leaving, really soon too, but he knew she'd be safe. She's a smart girl and she was going to a really good school in a very nice area in the city. Sure there was still a risk and he'd be worried constantly, but really, nothing would happen.

_College. NYADA. Auditions!_

"Rachel had her audition on Sunday! Shit, I totally forgot about that. I'm such an ass-."

"Okay, just because I approve of your decision to enlist does not mean I approve of the use of expletives in my house. Watch your language, Finn. And please come back downstairs to eat dinner. Kurt feels really bad and I believe you have a chair to pick up."

Of course Mom mode had to click back in.

"I'll go pick up the chair and I'll deal with Kurt later. Right now I need to talk to Rachel. Thanks mom, I love you," Finn stands up and before he leaves, bends back down to give his mother a kiss on the cheek.

He's out of his room so fast he barely hears his mother reply with an "I love you, too".

"Finn! What are you doing here? And why are you so sweaty and breathless?" Hiram queries.

"I… I'm here to see," He pauses to take a deep breath. "I'm here to see Rachel."

So… he kind of ran to Rachel's place. It really is only five blocks from his place, but he was in this like dead sprint. It would've been easier to take his truck, but… well he was powered by adrenaline.

"Oh… well, Rachel isn't here," Hiram casts his glance behind him guiltily.

"Hiram, I know… Look, I know that Rachel is really mad at me right now, and she's super upset with my choice to join the military, but I really need to talk to her. I know that she's home."

"Finn, sweetheart," Hiram sighs sadly. "Rachel doesn't want to see you right now. Although I respect your decision to enlist, I also must respect my daughter's wishes to be alone right now. She's had a really rough week."

"She's missed a lot of school," Finn dejectedly states. "I'm worried. Is she sick or anything?"

"No, no. She's in perfectly great physical health. But, like I said, she's had a rough-."

"Hiram, who's here," Leroy's voice booms behind the doorframe. Finn's eyes adjust and he looks into the foyer to see Rachel's other dad, the big scary one, appear next to his partner.

"Oh, Finn," Leroy's voice lightens. "I wanted to actually speak with you."

There's this serious note at the end and Hiram looks up to Leroy with a confused gaze. Leroy just stares deeply back and Hiram nods slightly.

"I'll see you around Finn. It was nice seeing you."

Finn is so damn confused at this moment. Like, what the hell was that look they shared? What's going on?

"Um, it was nice seeing you too," Finn sputters.

Leroy turns to face Finn once again, stepping through the threshold and closing the front door behind him.

"Sit down with me, son," Leroy speaks smoothly as he crosses the deck over to the swinging bench. Finn nods and follows behind, sitting down next to the older man. Leroy was always the strict parent of Rachel. Of course Finn had crazy respect for the guy and, yeah, Leroy was there for him before Burt to do guy stuff like going to baseball games and stuff. But Leroy scared the shit out of him. And right now, Finn's feeling really anxious as to what they need to "talk" about.

"So you're joining the Army?" Leroy questions, an eyebrow popping up.

"Yes, sir," Finn responds.

Leroy chuckles lightly, "I think that you'll do just fine. I know that most people are going to freak out on you. I remember those days."

And then it sort of hits Finn. Those days… Leroy has been in Finn's position! Leroy was in the Marines for 8 years after high school. He knew what it was like to have the people you love 'freak out on you', as he so wisely stated.

"You experienced this too, right? I mean, when you told your mom and your girl… I mean-."

"Yes, believe it or not Finn I did date a girl before I found out that I was completely into men," Leroy laughs again.

Finn has to laugh too because seriously, why was he such a dumb shit at times?

"Well, I mean I'm not dating Rachel, but… you know we're really, really close. Obviously you know that… What was your girlfriend like when you told her, though?"

"She broke up with me when I told her. Didn't want to deal with it. She wasn't that into me anyways," Leroy explains simply.

Finn slumps down slightly.

"But that's a good thing for you to hear, right? Rachel didn't brush you off forever. She just wants to separation. Figure things out. After her _NYADA_ audition… I'm not sure how she's feeling," He admits.

"What happened?" Finn's face contorts into a look of horror. He hopes to God that Rachel didn't…

"She choked."

Shit.

"What… what does that mean?"

"Well, she won't be in a class with Miss Tibideaux for sure. But the real fright is that she might not get in anymore at all."

"What? But… it clearly was just a fluke. She's so talented they'd be stupid for not accepting her into their college."

"I know, that's what I tell her. But she doesn't believe me. Right now she's not applying herself. If the school loses interest in her, they could take away her full ride scholarship. If she gets another chance, which I'm sure she will, she would have to give it her A-game. But I don't think she will be strong enough to do that. I would hate for her to lose her chances."

"Maybe I should talk to-."

"No," Leroy cuts off sternly. "She's made it clear that she's not ready to see you. I wasn't supposed to tell you about her audition either, but I thought you should know. I just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you Finn, and no matter who says what or does what, your decision is a good one if you intend to do your best during your service."

"I do."

"Good, then there shouldn't be a problem. I've got to get going. CNN News Channel is calling my name. I'll see you later, Finn."

Finn stands up and shakes hands with Leroy before turning down the driveway to leave. When he's out on the street he looks back at the modern house the Berry's reside in. The corner window on the right is Rachel's. The light is on, signaling that she's in there. He moves forward a bit and tries to see if he can catch a glimpse of his favorite girl, but he can't see far into the room. All he can see is the wall with an enlarged Playbill of the musical 'Hair'.

Finn wants nothing more than to climb up to her window, crawl in, and hold Rachel while she mourns over messing up her audition. He wants to know how it happened and how she's feeling and he wants to make her feel better. He hates seeing her be sad.

And he hates how he's part of that sadness she's currently feeling.


	8. Chapter 8

ATTN: I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR ITS CHARACTERS

A/N: I've noticed my text separators don't show up, so I added an 'O'. You'll see it when you get to it… hopefully. Now read and review please !

8.

Rachel finally decided to attend school on Thursday. She figured that becoming truant wouldn't help her dying educational situation whatsoever, so Rachel took the initiative that morning and got ready for the day. After all she still wanted to go to college. If she had to resort to community schooling, then so be it. But it was best if she didn't mess with her chances there. For all she knew, she probably couldn't even get in at Allen Community College, which did nothing to put her in better spirits.

When she rifled through her wardrobe, she couldn't find a single thing to wear, which is seemingly impossible as the white armoire is filled to the brim with blouses, skirts, and dresses.

But Rachel was in no mood to wear what she usually wears. She likes to describe her fashion choices as fun and eccentric, and that was the exact opposite of what she was currently feeling. For the past several days she's worn the one pair of sweatpants she owns and her Daddy's white sleep shirts.

Sighing, Rachel decides on a navy blue dress that ends at her knees (the longest length she could find) and a black cardigan to match the black ballet flats on her feet. Her hair dries in its natural thick waves since she's not in the mood to straighten her hair or put makeup on. Rachel simply brushes her teeth, grabs her bag, and heads to her car.

The ride to school was awful. The entire time she repeated what Miss Tibideaux had told her and she couldn't help but wonder what the kids at school would be saying to her. They'd taunt her for being so cocky all these years, telling them after they'd toss some flavored shredded ice in her face that they'd surmount to absolutely nothing in their pathetic little lives while she shone brighter than every star up in the sky.

When she parks she realizes she doesn't have a packed pair of clothing in her backseat just in case said flavored shredded ice was tossed her way. Rachel had almost convinced herself that she was absolutely not ready to come back, but a knock on her window shook her back to reality. Her chocolate brown eyes trailed up the door to the translucent glass and saw Mercedes and her wide grin.

Mercedes took a few steps back to let Rachel get out of her car. As soon as the door opened, the smooth voice squealed.

"Diva! How have you been doing?"

Several days ago Rachel had made the choice to tell her best friends (minus Finn because she knew absolutely nothing about where the stood in their friendship at the moment) about her flop audition. She confided in them and trusted them to not spill the news to everyone they usually hung out with because it just wasn't their job to tell. She needed to do that on her own and when the time came. She was definitely not ready to rush the process. She can already hear Quinn's evil laugh and see Santana's wicked grin at her failure.

Rachel forces a small smile on her pale lips.

"I'm… I've been better."

"I know, babe, but listen, you can't let that one audition phase you. Your talent is too big to go unnoticed and you will get to where you want in life, I promise."

And for some crazy reason, Rachel can't help but feel a tad bit better at her friend's words. The tender tone Mercedes had used, and the content of what she had said was almost empowering. Rachel reminded herself to thank Mercedes later. Right now she had a demon to battle, and that demon was just taking a step into the school itself.

When she does finally make it, she nervously eyes all the students as she shuffles down the tiled hallway floor. The loud sea of students practically overwhelms her. It's been days since she's heard this, since she's really heard anyone. She made it very clear to her dads' she wasn't ready to communicate with them or anyone at the moment. Being here with so many noises… it was literally making her head spin and throb.

Rachel can't help but flinch when a few jocks pass by, each holding a Big Gulp cup. The vicious look in their eyes tells her that they're holding slushies and that she was their target, but… they walk right pass her, not even glancing her way. A group of Cheerios crowd around her locker as it's merely two down from Quinn Fabray's and they just give her dirty looks. Not one gives her a jab about her terrible audition, her ruined future.

Retrieving her books, she heads to her first class which just so happens to be Home Ec., also known as the only class she has with almost every single members of glee club. She really was dreading this. She knew for a sure that they would be suspicious and trying to get her to talk about what happened. For a minute Rachel considered telling them in glee after school today since they had their weekly meet up with Mr. Schue to rehearse, but then chickened out and just shut her mind from any news revealing topics whatsoever. It's just too soon.

She walks through the doorway of Mrs. Connaly's classroom, the smell of burnt food floating around. She wasn't the best Home Economics teacher as most of the students lacked major culinary skills and had trouble just making a _pancake_. However the class was a super easy A since Mrs. Connaly really didn't care and was too busy looking forward to her retirement to grade people on their actual work. Hence why every senior takes this class some point during the day.

The first people Rachel notices are Santana, Brittany, and Quinn, who all sit at one table even though they're only supposed to seat two students. The beautiful, popular Cheerio's always bend the rules, though, so who cares. But they caught her attention because they all started to laugh hysterically, and pointed at her too, which only means they're directing their mean humor at her. Heat flushed her cheeks as she tightens her grip on the books in her arm and makes her way back to her assigned seat, which unfortunately is next to the one person she'd been trying to avoid.

Finn.

He's looking at her intently, his amber colored eyes following her every movement as she sits down next to him and opens up her folder to pull out her make up work.

"They made you do make up work for this class? That's bogus. All we did was dare Mrs. Connaly to eat the "surprise" milkshake we made with every old ingredient the school is trying to get rid of," He comments humorously and she bites her bottom lip to keep from laughing, however a smile stretches across her face.

"Rachel, look," Finn starts more seriously now, making her smile slip away and her heart shatter more and more. "We _really _need to talk. I've been driving myself crazy since we last saw each other, always thinking about you and I really want to help you and… just please. Please come over after glee club rehearsal tonight. Burt and mom are out canvassing and Kurt will be off with Blaine. I can order some Chinese from that place that has the vegan alternatives and we can, I don't know, watch a movie. I just need to hang out with you and talk to you and make this all better."

Her eyebrows scrunch together in pain and her saddened eyes look into his.

"I don't know," She whispered. "I don't think I should-."

"Give our friendship another chance? Because I'm really sorry for being-."

"Alright class, listen up. We're going to attempt to make cake. And _not _from a box. Puckerman, please do not dare Mike Chang to juggle eggs this time," Mrs. Connaly interrupted Finn's apology.

Rachel looks at him with confused, sad eyes and just gives him this desperate facial expression to try and get him to understand that she just… she can't see him right now.

Her mind is not in the right place with this quite yet. So much bad news has been dropped on her in such a short amount of time that she can't even think about going to Finn's and sorting everything out this soon. It was only days ago that she found out about his departure into the military.

Tears well up in her eyes as she measures some flour and emptied it in the mixing bowl. Finn was merely across the room with the guys. It was something that the class always did. Sort of a 'bake-off', boys against girls. See who can make it better. It was always girls because, well, girls are good at stuff like this.

"Aw, is baby crying cause she has to be back at school. Oh, we know how torturous high school is for the little unpopular Jewish girl," Santana sneers next to her.

"I… no. I was just… I was sick," Rachel murmurs, wishing the mean girls would just leave her alone. There was only two weeks until graduation and they couldn't give her a break just this once? They'd spent _forever _ridiculing her. You'd think that it'd get old by now since their comments were always the same; Jew, Ru Paul, Man Hands, etc.

"Sick, hmm," Quinn ponders thoughtfully. "Because I could have sworn that it would have been related to your audition for _NYADA_."

Rachel froze completely and stared at the beautiful blonde haired blue eyed ice queen. How did she… How did they find out? Were they at the school when it happened? No, that couldn't be possible because it was completely shut down except for the auditorium. She knew that because there were no cars in the parking lot.

So this could only mean one thing… Kurt or Mercedes told people. Betrayal washed throughout her system and she felt even more worthless than anything. If the people she knew and trusted couldn't shut up for her sake then what was the point at all?

Rachel did something she'd never done in all her years of high school. When Mrs. Connaly went to her little office in the classroom and turned her Soap Opera back on the computer, she grabbed her things and just left the classroom.

Skipping school, cutting class… what was Rachel becoming? Some sort of rebel? Was she going against what she believed in as a way of dealing with all the crap her life was going through at the moment? If so, was it _okay _for her to deal with the pain like this?

Her head swarmed with questioning thoughts. Who was she? What was she going to do? But out of all the confusion she knew one thing for sure. Kurt and Mercedes couldn't be trusted. Another little thing that just sucks majorly because Rachel had really thought she could trust them. Senior year had brought the three so close together and they bonded on such a different level than Rachel had with anyone else, even Finn. Of course Finn and she were the closest, but she couldn't talk to Finn about feminine things. She had tried that once but he was utterly confused about menstrual cycling and current fashion trends.

Mercedes and Kurt were finally her girlfriends. And now that's taken away from her. The world has to be against her, because honestly what could be worse? What's going to happen next, she wonders as she hides in the bathroom, stowing away in the end stall she had hid in many times during her high school career. After being humiliated in public it was her comfort zone. They couldn't get her when she was in here.

Nothing was right and she felt sick to her stomach. To be honest, her _NYADA _flop wasn't even the base of all her problems at the moment. Or at least wasn't the cause of the churning stomach and tear stung eyes. It was Finn. She hadn't seen him in what felt like for ages yet it had merely been several days. He was _leaving _her.

She had tried really hard to accept his decision, but she couldn't. Not even if she felt it were heroic or inspiring. Because accepting his choice to enlist would be accepting his death, and she just couldn't do that.

Not now, not ever.

After about fifteen minutes of crying, Rachel finally makes her move from the stall to the sinks so she can wash her face with ice cold water. The cool chill it gave her made her skin feel fresh and revived. It was just what she needed. There was still five minutes until the bell rang signaling the students to their next class. A groan escaped from between Rachel's lips at the fact that it is only second period. But she had all advanced classes until sixth period, after lunch, which was her gym class time. There weren't any Cheerio's in the AP classes she took and, luckily, Quinn and Santana had gym at the very end of the day.

She could do this. Rachel had the power to do this.

Leaving the bathroom, she groans yet again, this time at herself. A huge poster with Quinn Fabray's face on it and the slogan 'Quinn for Queen' reminded Rachel of the senior formal. They plan it out to be the last Saturday before graduation. Rachel hadn't even bought her shoes or accessories yet! Of course she had gotten her dress a month ago when she was still excited about the prom, but the past couple of weeks have been such a distraction she hadn't even thought about it.

What was she going to do? She didn't have anyone to go with. The original plan was to go with Finn, Kurt, Blaine, Mercedes, and Sam. They were all going to eat at Breadstixx like they did last year. It was one of the best nights Rachel had ever had. Of course if she could do it all over again she would have tried harder to get an official date, not just go along with her friends, but… she had a wonderful time with Finn. They danced and ate the stale store bought cake and the odd tasting punch Ms. Sylvester made. It was perfectly un-perfect for her junior prom.

But this year she had wanted it to be very special as it was her very last prom. She had gotten the most gorgeous dress, and it cost her dads' a fortune, but it was worth it. Rachel has to laugh at that. She bought this really expensive dress and had forgotten completely about it. Just weeks ago she was gushing about the pink tulle material being as soft as a cloud.

Maybe she was still going with all her friends.

No, that was out of question. Rachel was very upset with Finn and she didn't even want to think about her feelings on Kurt and Mercedes at the moment. She couldn't go alone. There was no way she was going to give her peers another thing to laugh at. Maybe she just shouldn't go at all.

But it's her _last _prom. It's special and a very important passage to adulthood. You must enjoy your senior prom because it's the last magical, happy night of high school. It's nostalgic and energetic and something you don't want to miss out on because you'll regret it one day in your future. Rachel didn't want to be _that_ girl.

So she needed to find a date. This would be the perfect distraction for her! It will easily take her mind off more serious matters. She has exactly eight days to prep before prom day and she was going to make this perfect.

Because unlike everything else going on in her life, Rachel has full control over what will happen. And she was more than determined to make her senior prom a night not forgotten.

**o**

The rest of the day went by like a breeze. The only time she had to avoid people was during lunch and that was easily solved by eating in the safety of her car. Sure she was really lonely, but she had spent a lot of her life alone. Then again, it had been a really long time since then. She had always had Finn, and this year she had a lot of her glee club members too. They all sort of started to bond, with the exception of Santana and Quinn. Even Brittany Pierce and Mike Chang, both popular athletes, had warmed up to her!

However the school day wasn't her hardest challenge. The big one was showing up to glee club rehearsal. She knew that people would be shocked to see her back at school since she had missed the last two practices. They'd probably be mad at her too since Nationals was coming up during the last week of school and they needed all their players to be spot on with what they needed to do if they wanted to win this year.

Taking a deep breath, Rachel walks through the door and into the choir room. Everyone went silent and stared at her, some in amusement, most in shock. Kurt and Mercedes smiled brightly and waved at her. She ignores them and sits down in the only open chair that happens to be next to Finn. She's sure he planned it out this way, but whatever.

"Rachel," Mr. Schuester smiles, "It's nice to see that you're back. Were you sick?"

"No," Santana's loud voice emits from behind her where the pretty Latina sits. "She choked at her big Broadway audition or whatever."

Rachel's eyes squeeze shut as she feels shame wash over her body.

"Hey!" Finn yelled, standing up quickly, his chair kicking behind him. "What the hell, Santana?"

"It's not my fault she isn't good enough."

An innocent look spreads across Santana's face and an evil smirk appears thickly.

Anger fogs Rachel's vision as red flashes throughout her mind. What the hell did that mean? Was it okay for her possible college mentor to tell her that she didn't have what it takes? Yes. Was it okay for herself to think that? Definitely. But was it a-okay for a girl who doesn't even know the least bit about who she was say that? Absolutely not. Sirens blare in her mind, telling her to calm down and Santana's smirk gets even sweeter (sicker) than before. That taunting grin is all Rachel sees before she lunges her body at the bitch sitting behind her.


End file.
